Episode Report Card Erin: C+ | 1 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT Welcome to the Apple Store. Would you like a gun with your iPod?
By Erin | Season 4 | Episode 1 | Aired on 01.04.2005
Once Nerdy Guy shows Syd the isotope, she kind of looks off to the side and tucks her wig behind her ear. Nerdy Guy sees this and asks if anything's wrong. Oh, there's something wrong, but we won't find out what it is until later because it's really the future and the rest of the episode takes place in the past and stop me if you've heard this one before. Syd removes Nerdy Guy's glasses and then slams him in the face with the heel of her hand. She grabs the isotope, changes into something more fight-enabling, and runs out of the cabin. Some guy turns a corner at the end of the hall and yells at her to stop. Syd keeps running, finally making it to the baggage car. Baddie with the gun makes it there just seconds behind her, but Syd's nowhere to be found. That is, until she drops down behind him and a fight ensues. This is my favorite part of recapping this show -- the fight sequences. Because all I have to do is go, "And then they fight," and I'm done. Sure, I could go into detail, and I often do, especially when something interesting happens, but this is a two-hour season opener and, really, there are, like, seven more of these peppered throughout the damn episode, so why bother?
And then they fight.
Kick kick. Slam slam. Use the baggage as a weapon. Hit over head. Roundhouse kick. Oops! Accidentally opened the side door. More kicking. Ha! The gun's overboard (or overtrain or whatever). Backflip kick to the chin. Jennifer Garner obviously learned quite a bit while filming Elektra. Hit hit. Kick kick. "Ahh! Ahh!" goes the closed captioning. D'oh! Syd goes out the door. She manages to grab one of the baggage container nets and is hanging on for dear life. If by "dear life" you mean "she's the star of the show so if you think someone's not going to save her ass when they flash back to this part in about thirty minutes, you're sorely mistaken." Baddie spends an inordinate amount of time cutting the container net strap by strap, and Jennifer Garner pretends to look terrified that she's going to die. And, just as Baddie's about to cut the last strap…we cut to a title card that reads, "72 HOURS EARLIER." When I watched this the first time, as Sydney was hanging from the net, I actually said, out loud, "If they cut to any time earlier, I'm gonna be pissed -- OH, NO, THEY DIDN'T!" But they did. And if they haven't learned by now that that is an extremely tired plot device, then we don't have a lot of hope for the upcoming season.
So, whatever, it's 72 hours earlier and now we're in Shanghai. Syd's in a disguise that's sort of a variation on the Chinese-schoolgirl-gone-wrong theme: black bobbed wig, black bra beneath a short white blouse that's open in the front, plaid skirt, knee-high black socks and black heeled Mary Janes. I actually like this outfit. And I know several of my ex-boyfriends who'd like it too. Which might be why they're ex-boyfriends.