Episode Report Card Erin: C+ | 1 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT Welcome to the Apple Store. Would you like a gun with your iPod?
By Erin | Season 4 | Episode 1 | Aired on 01.04.2005
The New-Fangled Ovary Electric. As Sarah McLachlan warbles over a product-placed iPod, we watch as Sydney packs for the upcoming mission. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Syd's post-fire apartment is effin' COOL and I want it for my very own. This is why I must be very, very rich very, very soon. Do you think I'd get any money for one of my kidneys? How about both? Ponder that and get back to me.
So, we spend a solid minute trailing Syd around her gorgeous apartment, then the doorbell rings. Syd answers it and Vaughn's there. He apologizes for dropping by, she says it's okay, and an awkward moment follows. "I miss you," says Vaughn. "I wanted to say that I miss you." "I miss you too," says Sydney. "I didn't realize how boring Ben Affleck was." Score! Point! Thank you! I'll be here all night. No. She doesn't say that. Basically, we learn through some nice, natural dialogue that Syd has pretty much been avoiding Vaughn because she was afraid that they'd jump right back into the relationship pool they'd been drowning in before Syd went on that two-year walkabout. Syd thinks they can't just start up where they left off and pretend that those years didn't happen. "Well, that would be nice, wouldn't it?" says Vaughn. The entire viewing audience screams, "HELL, YES, IT WOULD! AND COULD YOU ERASE THE CHARACTER OF 'LAUREN' WHILE YOU'RE AT IT? THANKS!"
Syd wants to take it slow. Vaughn kind of half-assedly agrees. And then we move to the train en route from Belarus to Latvia, and the hot sex scene that everyone thought was going to happen right there either doesn't happen and happens later, or it happens but we only flash back to it later. It's very confusing. You'll see what I mean. So. Train. Syd and Vaughn are back in the baggage car, getting ready. Vaughn's wearing nerdy glasses and an overcoat. Syd's dressed as the Swedish waitress. He asks if she's ready to go. She says she is and asks if he is. He answers her in Russian and (as one of the posters kindly translated) says, "Nice tits." Sydney just giggles. And that little moment there is why I think the sex scene that supposedly didn't happen back at Syd's place actually DID happen and, when it shows up shortly after this train sideline, it's really a flashback. You can't change my mind on this. You just can't.
Nerdy Guy's Room. Nerdy Guy (yes, he has a name - but do you really care what it is? He's never showing up again, I promise you) is sitting at a table, looking through papers and smoking. Syd blithely enters and starts unpacking her stuff as if this is her room. Nerdy Guy says it's his room. Syd says it's her room. No, it's his. No, it's hers. No, he has a ticket. See? No, she has a ticket. See? They both have a ticket to the same room. Imagine that. Over in the dining car, Vaughn enters, dorky glasses and hot stubble intact. He makes his way over to the table with the green fountain pen and sits down across from…Rick Yune. Yummy. Rick Yune asks Vaughn if he'd care for some tea. Vaughn prefers bourbon. This is their little code word game. Vaughn does moderately well with the Russian accent. Rick Yune doesn't bother with one because he's hot and he's Korean and he doesn't have to do anything that anyone tells him to do. Back in the Sleeping Car of Convenience, Syd continues her Seduction of the Smarty Pants. She goes off to change into her slut-bunny outfit as Nerdy Guy curses himself for not bringing any Condoms of Contrivance with him on the train.