Episode Report Card Demian: C | 275 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Dolt, Be Not Proud
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 10 | Aired on 2005.11.27
The screen flares white to dump us back down in Burke's underground lair, where The Retarded Bimbo's examining each of Burke's cryogenically preserved trophies until she spots Reinhardt and gasps, and how the dim bitch contrived to transport herself to the Underworld, I'll never know, nor will I ever care, and shut up, Retard. Burke enters to further The Retard's stupid missing-sister-related plotline along, and the only entertaining moment of the endless scene that follows is when he speed-shudders behind her to pimp smack her lispy ass all the way across the chamber floor. Unfortunately, before Burke can get his freeze on with The Retard, Phoebe, of all people, appears from out of nowhere to skewer Burke with one of his own poisoned arrows, and how she herself transported into the Underworld and how she managed to get her damned hands on Burke's miniature crossbow, I'll never, ever know, and fuck you, Charmed. The Retard briefly fills the Feebs in on the whole Burke sitch, and then the screen flares once more to deposit us...
...topside in the Manor parlor, where Piper's somehow managed to summon The Angel Of Death for a summit. Piper vows to have The Psycho heal his father if she has to, but you totally know they just tossed that line in there because someone -- perhaps Holly Marie Combs herself -- took one look at the script for this evening's presentation and said, "Well, duh. Why don't they just have Wyatt heal Leo if the situation's so fucking dire?" And Holly? Thanks for asking that question, but the solution your so-called superiors arrived at -- simply inserting that sentence into a completely unrelated conversation and never following up on it for the rest of the episode -- is ass, so you really shouldn't have bothered, because now all I'll be doing for the rest of the night is wondering, "Where's The Psycho? Why don't you get The Psycho to heal Frankendolt? Huh? Is he napping? Then wake him up! What the fuck is wrong with you stupid, stupid people?" See? Totally counterproductive, especially because by this point in the show's run, I'm paying so little attention to what actually happens that you could have slipped The Psycho's absence this evening right past me and I'd never have noticed. Ugh. In any event, the scene that follows deals almost exclusively with Piper's suspicion that the Dolt's accident was nothing of the sort, and she peppers The Angel Of Death with questions regarding the Grand Design and who is ultimately responsible for what's happening to her husband. Death clearly knows what's really going on, and it's equally clear he's in no way at liberty to discuss the details with Piper. He does, however, pointedly suggest she confront those whose duty it is to know more about the Grand Design than he does. And with that, he vanishes for the last time this evening in his smoky twist of Death's-head mojo. "Thank you," Piper whispers. Indeed. Simon Templeman's performance was one of two or three bright spots in an otherwise awful episode. Why was this shit not cancelled last May?