Episode Report Card Jessica: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Four Scary Stories
By Jessica | Season 5 | Episode 9 | Aired on 12.11.2001
God. God. I so don't want to even do this! There's a boycott in effect! A boycott! Okay, how's this: Pacey and She Who Shall Not Be Recapped are driving home and Pacey flashes his headlights at someone and then that someone chases them, and it's all supposed to be scary, especially at the end, when SWSNBR is killed. The end. Excuse me, there's the phone…
Fine. I'll recap this segment. But only because I'm contractually obligated to do so! So, Pacey is giving SWSNBR a ride home in Chef Danny's swank-ass Beemer, "before all the drama started." Nice rewrite, there, people. "Okay, let me guess. The road stretched out before you, lit only by the full moon above?" Joey snarks. I have to say, the actors seem to be having a reasonable amount of fun with this, and that's nice. Of course, part of that could just be the whole Good Chemistry Between Katie Holmes And Josh Jackson Phenomenon.
Fade to the BMW. "Got to hand it to [Chef Danny]," Pacey says as he steers. "This is a sweet ride." You Know Who bitches that it's actually Mrs. Chef Danny's vehicle. "Now you have another reason to worship him," she sniffs, and turns to stare out the window. Pacey insists that he doesn't worship Chef Danny. "It's perfectly understandable, your little boy crush on Danny," SWSNBR says. "Excuse me?" Pacey asks. "It doesn't mean you're gay, or anything," SWSNBR says. Not that there's anything wrong with that, SWSNBR, you homophobe! Pacey chuckles, and tells You Know Who that Chef Danny "is charismatic." And he's the only person who doesn't make Pacey feel like crap for not going to college. And he also makes Pacey feel like he's good at something, which, he points out, if SWSNBR knew anything about his life, which, he says, she does not, she would…wow, I totally lost my train of thought in the middle of that sentence. Um, yeah. Pacey likes Chef Danny. Moving on.
You Know Who smirks, and Pacey flashes his headlights at a car coming toward them, because its lights aren't on, and SWSNBR freaks out. "I don't think that was such a great idea!" she squeals. "It's the universal sign for 'hey, buddy, your lights are off,'" Pacey explains. "It's also an invitation for trouble," Karen bitches. Oh, sweet baby Jesus! Give me a break. Of all the urban legends in the world, this is the one they're doing? Killer's Hook On The Car Door Handle is way better than this one! Dude, The Asbestos In Your Tampons Is Going To Kill You Slowly From Within is better than this one! "What are you talking about?" Pacey asks. SWSNBR explains that whole "flash your headlights at a new gang member/they kill you in cold blood" story. "It's a game to them!" she squeals. Stupid, stupid SWSNBR. Pacey keeps driving and explains that, in "[his] universe, it's simple driver courtesy." You Know Who sneers. "Fine, I'm making it up," she snorts. But she's not! The Mustang is following them! "Now, you're being paranoid," Pacey says mildly. "Am I?" SWSNBR asks him. The Mustang is right on their ass, its brights on. "God, you just had to be the Good Samaritan, didn't you?" You Know Who snips. God, I hate her. I hate her so much. I so, so hate her. "Look, could you just save the tutorial for a little bit later, please?" Pacey asks. The Mustang bumps the back of the Beemer. "What the hell was that?" Pacey yelps. He pulls over. Stupid Non-Scary-Ass Music twinkles on the soundtrack. Pacey manages to elude the 'Stang, and pulls into a truck stop diner. They get out of the car. There's a big old bash in the back. "Dammit!" Pacey yells when he sees the ding. "Oh, damn! [Chef Danny] is going to kill me!" SWSNBR smirks and crosses her arms over her chest. "Yeah, I bet he's not going to take you to the prom anymore, either," she says. Wow, that was almost funny. In fact, if I didn't hate You Know Who, I might have even chuckled. But the embargo forbids it.