Episode Report Card Jessica: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Four Scary Stories
By Jessica | Season 5 | Episode 9 | Aired on 12.11.2001
All of the customers inside the diner give Pacey and The Girl a dirty, dirty look. They're all weird-looking hick-types, which I hear is a real prevalent sort in Massachusetts. Pacey tries to use the pay phone, but it's out of order. The neon signs in the diner blink oddly. The camera pans past a 1966 wall calendar. The music swirls. "Are you standing, or sitting?" a harried-looking waitress asks them. Pacey wants to use the phone, but it's out of order, he explains. "Then I guess you're out of luck, ain't you?" she asks. SWSNBR pokes at Pacey, and indicates that the Mustang is parked right next to their BMW. "Okay. Which one of you did it, huh?" Pacey asks. The customers stare at him. "Which one of you inbred, redneck freaks smashed into my car?" Pacey tells. Way to get the crowd on your side, Pace, since they already think you're a twenty-year-old out tooling around in his own Beemer, anyway. Pacey's interrogating the customers one by one when an older guy -- the owner? Sure, let's go with that -- comes up and tells them to get the hell out. Pacey yelps that someone in that diner smashed his car! "Leave!" the owner yells. "Oh, my. You should think about seeing a dentist," Pacey says over his shoulder, as SWSNBR pulls him out of the diner.
They get in the car and drive, drive away. The Bongos Of Fear pulsate wildly on the soundtrack. Suddenly, Pacey slams on the brakes. The Mustang is parked crossways over the road in front of them. "You have got to be kidding me," Pacey says, and revs the engine, then pops the clutch and peels out. Basically, he and the Mustang play chicken, and, at the last minute, the Mustang veers off the road. Pacey parks the BMW. "Pop the trunk," SWSNBR demands. "Hey, where are you going?" Pacey says, as You Know Who climbs out of the Beemer and goes around to the back. "Just do it," she commands. "Lady, are you nuts?" Pacey asks, getting out of the car. SWSNBR says nothing, but takes a bat out of the trunk and goes over to menace the other driver. Because a guy willing to run you off the road will totally run in fear from some sporting goods. "I have got to start meeting less angry women," Pacey mutters, and I have to concur. Anyway, the other car? Empty. Yeah. That was dumb. The two of them look at each other and head back to their car. "Thanks for a lovely evening," SWSNBR sneers. "Things happen," Pacey says, shortly. "Let's go."
Back at Grams, the kids are still kibitzing when Grams comes home from another night of drinking and carousing. "I trust I'm not interrupting any unsavory activity," she says. Joey sweeps the cocaine into her hands and Jack kicks the porn under the sofa. "Just ghost stories," they tell her. Grams makes a face and tells the kids that they haven't had enough "life experience to tell a truly chilling tale." The kiddies exchange glances. "But if you novices think you can handle it, I think I might just have a good one," Grams offers. I love Grams. Jack assures Grams that they're "just a bunch of jaded cinephiles who don't even flinch at blood spilling on the pavement anymore." Grams takes a seat. "Thank you for that sweet dream imagery, Jack," she says. Jack's all, no problem.