Episode Report Card Jessica: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Four Scary Stories
By Jessica | Season 5 | Episode 9 | Aired on 12.11.2001
Special Editions. Creepy Music. Walking. Walking. Walking. Music. Music. Walking. Music. Joey finds the door to Special Editions closed and locked. She hears something behind her, and whirls around to find nothing. Of course. Her rational and reasoned response to this is running off and hiding in a broom closet. Outside the closet, things rattle around, someone walks past the door, and then, silence. Finally, Joey sticks her head out of the closet. She races back into the stacks and right back into Peanuts. She screams and dashes the other way, and into Josh. "I'm so happy to see you," she gasps. "That creepy guy is down here." Josh is saying that he knows that when Peanuts bashes him over the head with a book and he falls down. "Should have listened to me, sweetie," Peanuts says, and Joey punches him in the stomach and runs away, a recovered Josh on her heels. They get to the door, and Josh reaches out and locks it! "What are you doing?" Joey asks. "So, you think you could put up a fight? Because I like that," he sneers. Turns out Peanuts was a cop. "And he was right. Should have listened to him, sweetie." So, yeah: Josh is the bad guy. Moving. Right. Along. He gets all in her face, walking her back into the stacks and against a table, and then Joey hits him right in the face with a roundhouse kick, like all that Tae Bo is finally good for something. Josh and Joey fight. Katie Holmes is no Sarah Michelle Gellar, I have to tell you. And this bit, right here, where she kicks him in the face? Is, like, physiologically impossible. Anyway, the slam to the face knocks him out, just as Peanuts stumbles up behind them. Why didn't he show her his badge, back there in the stacks? Jesus. "Wow. You sure Crouching Tiger-ed his ass," he comments. Except without the cool suspended-in-thin-air part. "Yeah, I guess that kick-boxing class actually paid off," Joey says, as this completely cheesy and stereotypical Ching-Chang-Chong Fakola Music Of The Orient twangs on the soundtrack and Joey and Peanuts stare at the unconscious Josh.
Back to Grams's. "That's a decent thrill, Jo, but as scary as the stacks might be after-hours, I think the frat house has you beat in terms of the creep factor," Jack says. Joey makes the obligatory "so, I assume you're talking more than keg stands and roofies?" comment. Jack snickers that he "gets enough of that" from his "common-law wife," and I assume he means Jen. "What could a fellow possibly have to worry about in the arms of his brethren?" Joey asks. Nah, that joke is way too easy. I'm not even going to stoop to that level. "Late night, in the basement," Jack begins, "with the right provisions of course, the mind can start to play tricks on you." I have a note here that reads "provisions joke," and I have no idea what that means right now. I don't know why I didn't make a note that reads "late-night basement joke," because that seems way easier, humor-wise. Anyway, Jack walks up to the frat, where he's greeted at the front door by several frat-clad bros, who yell at him that they want "the basement" totally "cleared out." Ahem. No comment.