Episode Report Card Demian: B | 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT Somewhere, Sigmund Freud spins in his grave
By Demian | Season 3 | Episode 15 | Aired on 2001.02.22
Before I begin, I have to throw props Tina Fey's way. I'm not sure when it originally aired, but I just saw the Saturday Night Live "Weekend Update" segment in which she includes Charmed on the list of breast-enhanced television shows available as alternative programming for those poor souls still mourning the loss of Baywatch. Marry me, Tina.
Because the promo insisted tonight's main event was "three years in the making," I went back and rewatched the series and second-season premieres on the tape the Polish Princess so kindly provided me all those many months ago. There is nothing in either to indicate that the goal of the initial three-year story arc is Piper's wedding.
Wait. Who am I trying to kid? This show can't maintain a coherent story arc for more than a couple of episodes, much less three seasons. Whatever.
Fade in on a bride-and-groom wedding-cake ornament in the manor hallway as a modified, tinkly version of Wagner's wedding march plays on the soundtrack. A pullback shot reveals Prue and Phoebe in the background, struggling to center a flowered arch over a makeshift altar at the end of the hall. Hey, look! It's Veronica's mom again! Jennifer Rhodes in power red as Grams Halliwell asks Phoebe and Prue if they are certain they couldn't find a larger arch for the ceremony. Prue snarks back that they can't "without opening a fast-food franchise." Not funny, Prue. Grams apparently agrees with me. She raises an eyebrow and shoots a sidelong glance Prue's way. She tells her granddaughters, "If love is a quest, marriage is the conquest. This place must feel like victory." How very pre-feminist of you, Grams. Phoebe remarks she thought "weddings were supposed to be romantic." Grams dismisses this notion as Prue smirks, "You better listen to Grams, Phoebe. You could always calculate her age by the number of rings on her fingers." Phoebe chuckles as Grams playfully wags a finger at Prue in return. Prue, alpha witch that she is, crosses "wedding arch" off her to-do list, then lets out an enormous yawn as she moves on to the next item on the agenda. Phoebe suggests that Prue go off-list for the rest of the evening in favor of sleep, noting that Prue's been overtired all day. "All week," Prue corrects her, telling the two that she's been having a "re-occurring dream" that has been disturbing her rest. At Phoebe's prompting, Prue reveals that her dream involves some "cute" biker in a grungy bar. Phoebe lifts her eyebrows, silently counting back the weeks to the last time Prue got some. Piper clomps downstairs at that point, and a delighted Grams asks her what she thinks of the decorations. Piper pronounces them "beautiful" and proceeds with an inventory: "Flowers and bows and Grams." Since when did Grams become a part of the furniture, Piper? Piper continues, "The only thing missing is…" "Mom," Prue finishes for her. A round of sad and downcast looks before Piper asks Grams if she's certain she can't do something about the Ps' mother. Grams reminds Piper that Grams herself was allowed to attend only because the Handfasting ceremony requires a "High Priestess," and that The Powers That Be expect Grams back by "the witching hour tomorrow." Phoebe produces a framed photo of their mother, hoping that will do in Penny's absence.