Episode Report Card Demian: B | 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT Somewhere, Sigmund Freud spins in his grave
By Demian | Season 3 | Episode 15 | Aired on 2001.02.22
Cut to the wedding altar downstairs. Grams, wearing a smart peach suit with a pearl choker, enters in a swirl of glowing golf balls. She claps her hands and calls out, "Places! Places, everyone!" Victor, the Dolt, Cole, Phoebe, and Prue arrange themselves in front of the altar. The bridesmaid's dresses are pretty low-key: simple, dark pink, chiffon-and-satin sheaths. Almost -- dare I say it? -- tasteful. The doorbell rings. Prue tells everyone to ignore it, but Piper calls down from upstairs, wondering who is going to answer the door. Phoebe and Prue hustle over to find Detective Darryl on the porch. Prue chides him for being late. Darryl tells her he was busy "saving [her] ass," and informs her she's wanted for murder. Prue shuts him down, insisting that they proceed with the wedding before dealing with any other issues. "For Piper," she finishes. "For Piper," Phoebe agrees. Darryl stands there, slackjawed. "You were supposed to say, 'For Piper,'" Phoebe hisses. Darryl rolls his eyes and tells the two they have to hurry. Grams calls the three back to the ceremony, then instructs Victor to make room for Patty. Awkward greeting noises between Victor and Patty before Victor snippily demands, "All right. Who brought my ex-wife back from the dead?" Snerk. Grams: "I know you two have issues, but that's what the reception is for." Snicker. More Grams, please. A lot more. This show desperately needs an Endora figure. Grams TKs the CD player shut, and Piper descends the stairs to Pachelbel's Canon, as she did way back in the aborted wedding featured at the close of "Magic Hour." She should have known better than to choose the same music, as we shall see presently. Victor meets Piper at the foot of the stairs and escorts her to the altar as Phoebe enthuses, "We did it. It's really happening."
Cue the sound of a gunning motorcycle engine. Bobby bursts through the manor doors on his Harley, and what follows is a slow-motion wedding-disaster sequence that amused me to no end. I really need to adjust my medications. Grams gasps in blue-blooded horror and clutches her pearls. Piper turns in time to see the wheels of Bobby's Harley catching and shredding one of the white swags from the hallway arch. The Dolt gapes. Bobby's back wheel overturns a pillar and a table as he spins his bike around, shattering champagne glasses and vases on the floor. Piper's jaw drops in abject outrage as her eyes widen in utter disbelief. Bobby switches into real time and calls out for Prue. Prue collapses into Phoebe's arms. AP Prue appears at Bobby's side and leaps onto the motorcycle behind him. AP Prue thanks Bobby for showing up as Special Ed Prue lies lifeless on the floor. Bobby tells AP Prue he couldn't let the police arrest her, and guns his engine again. Piper, apoplectic: "What the hell is going on here?" Phoebe, useless: "Prue, you get your astral ass back here!" Demian, despite himself: "Woo hoo!" Bobby tears out the front door with AP Prue, toppling the three-tiered wedding cake in the process. Cole nervously clears his throat and adjusts his jacket. Grams goggles, looking for all the world as if she has swallowed a slug. Piper slams her bouquet into the Dolt's chest, hyperventilating as she approaches the ruined cake. Phoebe makes soothing noises in the background, to no avail. Piper draws herself up and announces, "That's it. The wedding is off." I resist making an "of course it's off -- it's between a witch and a dead guy" unfunny, and fail. Piper rips off her veil and tosses it aside as she gathers up her train to step over Special Ed Prue, who remains splayed on the hall floor. Phoebe steps over Special Ed Prue to rush after Piper, urging Piper to reconsider, and we cut to commercial.