Episode Report Card Sars: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Hurricane
By Sars | Season 1 | Episode 5 | Aired on 02.16.1998
Inside, Jen watches a weather forecast. The Flash tells everyone to make themselves at home, and Bessie tells The Flash they really appreciate the Leerys' hospitality as Grams glances disapprovingly at Bodie and Bessie. The Flash introduces Grams to Bessie and Bodie, but before he can even finish, Grams cuts him off: "We've met. You're Bessie, Joey's...unmarried sister." She turns her back on the couple. Bessie says sharply to Grams's back, "And this is Bodie," and Grams says, "Mm hmm," and walks away without turning around, and Bodie glares at her retreating back and mimics her, "Mm hmm." Oh, crikey.
On the stairs, Gale chats on the phone, presumably with Bob, saying, "Oh, thank you, Walter Cronkite -- need I remind you who won the local Emmy and the Golden Desk award?" Yeah, like we care. Oh, and memo to the writers: Walter Cronkite retired about fifteen years ago, so maybe you could make the cultural references a little more, I don't know, current? Anyway. The camera pans over to Dawson, standing on a landing above Gale, who shakes his head slowly while eavesdropping. Gale says something like "oh, you bad boy" as Dawson begins tiptoeing down the stairs behind her, and right after she makes a string of smooching noises into the receiver, Dawson stamps his foot down next to her. She tells Bob she'll call him back and gets up to face Dawson, who has stopped three steps above her, the better to look down on her and pass judgment. His XXXL-clad arms hanging limply by his sides, Dawson says primly, "I've got a new award for you, Mom. It's not a trophy, though -- it comes in the form of an 'A,' and you have to stitch it right here," and he points to his chest. Gale walks up the stairs, slaps him hard across the face, and screams, "Mind your own goddamn business, you little shit!" Oh, wait. She didn't do that. Why didn't she do that? She does stare at him without a word as he grumbles, "Congratulations."
Couldn't Andie have used Mentos to ward off her nervous breakdown? Just wondering.
Then we have to sit through a "Backlot Break," in which James Van Der Beek tells a shaggy-dog story about how Katie Holmes ate an onion before the final kissing scene in the first season just to torture him, and then she got embarrassed and brushed her teeth because her breath stank up the whole set. Great story, James. Can you tell it again the next time I can't sleep?
Leaves blow wildly around the No-Fault Hacienda, echoing the emotional turbulence within. Coincidentally, the subtle-as-a-sledgehammer store called, and they've run out of Dawson's Creek writers. Dawson stalks into his Sanctum and the Faithless Hussy chases after him, pleading, "Dawson, honey, we need to talk," to which Dawson responds with, "About what, the weather?" Great comeback. Not. FH takes Dawson's XXXL sleeve and says as she pushes her Wall O' Bangs off of her forehead, "Honey -- um, I know you must be really angry right now, and it is completely justified." Dawson turns away: "Save it." Gale grabs his sleeve again: "Honey, please. Hear me out." Dawson huffs impatiently as Gale explains, "Um, I love your father. Now, I know that might seem a little hypocritical at the moment, but what is happening between Bob and I -" and Dawson interrupts without looking at her, "'Bob and me.' 'Bob and I' is grammatically incorrect," and, in all fairness, I would have gotten that dig in at that moment myself. Gale tries to get him to meet her eye: "If you let me, I might be able to help you understand this." Dawson bites off his words: "Understand what? The complicated mind of an adulteress? Do you have some new earth-shattering rationale why [sic] you're breaking the vows of marriage? It's pretty straightforward, isn't it?" I know he has a point and everything, but I would have slapped that judgmental pout off Dawson's face and into next week by now. Gale manages to keep her temper, though, saying, "No, it isn't. There are reasons," but Dawson is on a roll: "Reasons? Why? Boredom, maybe? I know, why don't you pull this 'I'm 40, it's time to be selfish, life is passing me by' crap." Gale asks him yet again to let her explain, and Dawson snaps, "Fine, Mom, explain. Go for it. Purge, but purge to the right person. I'm the son. Remember, there's a whole missing element here, and I think it's downstairs, and it has a name -- husband. Spouse. Mate. Better half. Any of those ring a bell?" Gee, I guess he told her. Not. Shut up, Dawson. Gale looks very sad.