Episode Report Card Sars: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Hurricane
By Sars | Season 1 | Episode 5 | Aired on 02.16.1998
Credits. The sound of four hundred and fifty-nine fingernails scraping down a blackboard, known in some cultures as "Paula Cole singing."
Accompanied by the oh-so-original strains of REM's "It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)," Capeside residents scurry around in the gathering wind, bringing furniture inside and boarding up windows, including Dawson, whose Dog-Boy hairstyle doesn't move despite the gale blowing as he gathers up patio chairs. In the kitchen of the No-Fault Hacienda, Gale snarls into the telephone, "Oh, well, I guess if it were the Capeside Bake-off then I would be your man," and as Mitch "The Flash" Leery comes into the room, she tells the person on the other end, "No, I'm not trying to be sarcastic, I'm trying to be a reporter. [pause] Fine, Jim. If anybody needs me I'll be right here," and she hangs up, grumbling under her breath, "Darning my husband's socks." The Flash assumes aloud that her producer isn't letting her "cover" the hurricane, and Gale fulminates that of course he isn't, since she doesn't have "a certain appendage between [her] legs," and Mitch tells her, "Well, me and my appendage [sic] are both glad that you will be here safe, where you belong." Dawson barges in as they start kissing and reels off a list, "Okay, flashlight, candles, cold shower, and batteries." Um, Dawson? Do you, like, disapprove or something? Not. Shut up. The Flash thanks him and says he's headed next door to invite Jen and Mrs. Ryan over "to ride out the storm." The Flash leaves, and the smile melts from Dawson's face to make room for his gigantic nostrils as he observes pointedly, "Boy, Dad's a great guy, isn't he? Maybe on the Tom-Hanks-Harrison Ford idealistic side, but solid like a rock." Gale looks at him strangely and says, "Without question," and she sips from a mug as Dawson adds, "And faithful." Gale freezes for a split-second. Dawson continues, "Even to a fault," and Gale recovers with a too-perky "mm-hmm." Having failed to flush his mother out with this line of questioning, Dawson asks, "So who's covering Hurricane Chris?" Gale rolls her eyes and says that Bob "got the gig," and Dawson makes a snide comment about Bob being "on top of" things, and Gale says, "Yeah, he's a great guy," and Dawson corrects her, "Dad's a great guy. Bob's...the anchorman." Gale gives him another "huh?" look and asks if he secured the porch, and he says he'll get right on it -- "gotta get ready for Hurricane Bob" -- and when Gale corrects him, "Hurricane Chris," Dawson says, "Right -- Chris is the hurricane, Bob's the anchorman," and does a weird Rat-Pack hand gesture as he leaves the room, and Gale stares after him with a look of dismay and sighs, "Oh boy." I don't blame her; Dawson is self-righteous enough when he doesn't have a valid reason.