Episode Report Card Sars: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Hurricane
By Sars | Season 1 | Episode 5 | Aired on 02.16.1998
Dawson flounces -- no, he really flounces -- into his room, his lips drawn into the angry pucker of a cat's backside -- and slams the door in his mother's face. Jen, who must have snuck in via the ladder, asks, "Are you okay?" Dawson vents while hurling darts petulantly at his dartboard, saying he doesn't understand why, when his parents have sex every single day, his mother needed more; Jen observes, correctly, that "these things have very little to do with sex." Dawson asks, "Is the proposition of monogamy such a Jurassic notion? Is it no longer reasonable to think that two people can be enough for each other for their entire lives?" "Jurassic"? Oh, for Pete's sake.
Jen doesn't know the answer to that, and Dawson proceeds to theorize, while whipping darts around the room, that maybe his mother has a hormonal imbalance, and that maybe she hasn't confined her activities to Bob. Jen sticks up for the Hussy: "Your mother is a good woman." Dawson laughs meanly and says, "You defend her. Yeah, you would, it makes sense." Jen shoots out of her seat: "Excuse me?" Dawson says, "You heard me," and Jen snarls, "Yeah, I did, and you'd better clarify yourself right now before I rip your head off." Right on. She gets right up in his face, which intimidates him slightly, but he still says in a pointedly innocent tone: "I'm simply remarking, who better to understand a woman's need to have multiple partners?" Jen, on the verge of angry tears, yells, "Being that I've slept with half of New York City?" Dawson backtracks, "I didn't say that." And now, ladies and gentlemen, please direct your attention to the end of the field as Lindley lines up the punt: "We're not all as pious as you, Dawson. Some us aren't imaginary characters in a Spielberg movie -- some of us live in reality!" As Dawson sails between the goal posts for the extra point, Jen stomps out of the room, and Dawson does the patented Drama Club Vice President running of his hands through his hair and flops down on his bed. Jen, Jen, she's our man, if she can't do it, no one can!
Then Dawson hears a muffled sneeze and grumbles, "Oh, don't even tell me." Sure enough, Joey hid in his closet and overheard the whole firestorm. Dawson whines that he "can't escape" and demands, "What were you doing in there?" Joey remembers how, as kids, they used to sit in the closet and "re-enact the whole third act from Jaws," and Dawson moans, "Not now, Joey," and flops over to another chair as Joey continues to reminisce in an attempt to cheer him up, and finally he says flatly, "We're not kids anymore, Joey," and Joey points out, "But wouldn't it be nice?" When Dawson tightens the cat's-backside pucker of his mouth and doesn't answer, Joey says sarcastically, "Oh, right. It's up there with sleeping over on the 'we're too old for this' list. I see." Dawson still says nothing, just sulks beneath a puffy inverted crescent of hair that looks like a big blond crab claw. Anyhow. Joey softens her tone: "Look -- I know you're still mad at me for lying to you. Even if you won't admit it, there's residue all over your face." Clawson -- sorry, Dawson tells her she should probably go: "My verbal vomit's out of control today." Just today? Joey says impatiently, "I know what you're going through, Dawson! You're struggling to find answers, you know, you want to know why she's cheating, but -- it's, it's all perception, Dawson." Instead of realizing that, because Joey's dad cheated on her mom, Joey know a little something about his situation, Dawson just snorts dismissively and shakes his head. Joey juts out her jaw and says with her eyes narrowed, "Let me just offer the one ounce of wisdom I can bring to this table. You know, instead of asking why your mother is doing all these horrible things, may I suggest that you get down on your knees and thank God that you have a mother?" She turns to leave. Dawson realizes, too late, that he has screwed up, and he murmurs apologetically, "Joey," but Joey delivers her parting shot, "Sorry, Dawson, I forgot for a second. This isn't about me," and slams the door behind her. Bring back, bring back, bring back Old Joey to me, to me...
Cut to Bob on TV, screaming about 50-mph winds and Hurricane Christopher making "landfall here in Capeside." The Flash and Faithless Hussy watch glumly. Bodie offers spice hints to Grams, who bites his head off, and Bessie interrupts to compliment the chicken dish Grams cooked as Joey and Bodie both roll their eyes. Bob continues yelling about high waves, and The Flash clucks, "I hope Bob watches out for himself." Another eye-roll from Joey, who grumbles, "I wouldn't worry about Bob, Mr. Leery." FH gives her a look and laces her fingers tensely.