Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Still Charmed And Sucking
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.24.2005
Nonexistent attic. Piper and Phoebe storm into in to find Raige scrying for the retarded bimbo with the atrocious line deliveries, and bellow at their twitchy bastard of a half-sister in outrage and consternation. Raige counters this aural assault by calmly filling them in on the demon in the movie theater and the "chick" who scared him away. "What chick?" Piper and Phoebe screech in unison.
Meanwhile, down in the center parlor, Daddy Dearest is crooning "Itsy Bitsy Spider" as he toddles around the main floor with the dead-eyed Psycho slung over one of his shoulders, and that's...a really bizarre song choice, but whatever, because just as Victor heads up the stairs, Haas blazes onto the sun porch beyond, with Elkin and another henchdemon squiggling in on either side of him. "We'll wait for him to come back downstairs," Haas reveals. "Alone."
Back in the nonexistent attic, there's more hooting and shrieking and caterwauling about the retarded bimbo with the atrocious line deliveries and the possibility of exposure and wah until Grams materializes off-screen to gripe, "Oh, for crying out loud! Give her a break, will ya?" "What are you doing here?" is Phoebe's rather rude greeting. "Trying to keep you from ganging up on her," Grams replies, gesturing towards Raige. Piper snorts something about Grams being dead; therefore, the current debate "doesn't really concern" her. "It does when my legacy is at stake," Grams argues, advancing upon them. "I think we've paid our dues," Phoebe snits. "And I'm not saying you haven't," Grams allows. "You have every right to want to live normal, unencumbered lives, but just because you want to doesn't mean you can." God love her. "You're a little late with that speech," Piper growls, and no, not really, since it's the same speech she's been giving your ungrateful and lazy asses for the last eight godforsaken years. But enough of that. For now. Long story short, Grams insists that Raige is being called for a reason, and regardless of how this stupid identity-switching nonsense will play out, Raige cannot ignore the pleas of her charges. Piper and Phoebe mope. Shut up, you stroppy little shrews.
Down in the main hall, Victor arrives from upstairs to receive more than a few of Haas's threats until the retarded bimbo with the atrocious line deliveries bangs through the front door, and Kaley Cuoco is quite seriously a black hole of suck set to a Melrose Place soundtrack, so let's just say she vanquishes the henchdemons but misses Haas and leave it at that, shall we? As The Retarded Bimbo With The Atrocious Line Deliveries vanishes into the night, Piper sneers, "Show-off," before she and her sisters vanish into the final commercial break.