Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Still Charmed And Sucking
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.24.2005
Back in Victor's apartment, Raige enters without knocking from the hallway outside to wonder how everything went. After a beat, Victor morphs into Phoebe as the Psycho morphs into his mother, and I spent all of five minutes going, "Bullshit! BULLSHIT! How the fuck did Piper orb into that stupid fucking room? GOD, this show SUCKS!" until I remembered that Raige had developed the ability last season to orb people without touching them. Still, that was all kind of dumb. The gals decide their cunning ploy worked beautifully, and plan to return to their newly normal lives posthaste. Well, Phoebe and Piper plan to return to their newly normal lives. Raige is still saddled with The Retarded Bimbo With The Atrocious Line Deliveries, unfortunately. "Maybe you won't hear from her again," Phoebe bright-sides as the ladies exit their father's apartment. Raige groans and sighs, "I have a feeling she'll be sticking around for a while." Not if you kill her. Would you three please kill her? Please? Don't let Phoebe's wall expertise go to waste. We who have been watching this garbage since that goddamned retarded bimbo was in diapers are begging you. Begging you.
And speaking of the bleach-blonde black hole of suck, there she is back in her dorm room, stowing away her retarded-hooker gear, all to that funky Melrose Place beat. OH MY GOD I HATE HER SO MUCH. The episode ends with someone rapping on her door and calling out, "Billie! Where are you? We're late for class!" Billie, The Retarded Bimbo With The Atrocious Line Deliveries, babbles something back, but I missed it because it was yanked into the Bleach-Blonde Black Hole Of Suck where it was rapidly torn asunder by titanic forces of badness and evil and HATE and destroyed.
This is going to be a very long season.
Next week, Raige mocks The Retarded Bimbo because The Retarded Bimbo's clothes are stupid. When Rose McGowan is telling you you're dressing like an idiot, it's time to put a bullet through your head.