Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Still Charmed And Sucking
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.24.2005
Lord. My head's going to explode if I even attempt to sit through this awful scene again, so I'll simply give you what I remember: Kaley Cuoco's character can do all sorts of ninja-like back flips and shit, and she also has the power to deflect Flaming Balls Of Death. Unfortunately. The demonic hipster, realizing he can't take on both a Whitelighter and a retarded bimbo with atrocious line deliveries at the same time, squiggles on out of there as Raige, dazed, watches the retarded bimbo with the atrocious line deliveries vanish into the next commercial break.
Manor, and a scene I find I can't concentrate on after the amazing black hole of suck that was the last. Good thing this scene's not terribly important, I guess. Basically, the Dolt and Daddy Dearest chat while washing dishes, and the only thing we learn is that Daddy Dearest harbors grave misgivings regarding the success of this whole identity-switching nonsense. Next!
Daddy Dearest lopes out onto the sun porch, where he's startled by the arriving orb cloud of some ever-useless Elder we've never seen before. Long, long story short, the ever-useless Elder wants to take the Psycho and poor, neglected, and doomed Tiny Gay Chris up to Whitelighterland, because neither he nor his ever-useless brethren believe Victor has the skills to raise them in the magical tradition, what with the constant threat from what remains of the Underworld and everything. Victor's all, "Over my dead body," and the ever-useless Elder shoots him a glare that pretty much says, "That can easily be arranged," but the ever-useless Elder just ends up orbing back out after grumbling, "I pray you know what you're doing." The Dolt, who'd been eavesdropping on the entire exchange from the dining room, wanders over to natter about something or other as Raige creeps in through the front door. She too brightly bubbles some lie about what she'd been up to that afternoon, but when she turns to climb the stairs, the Dolt and Daddy Dearest can see the gash in her back from her earlier encounter with the movie theater's wall. "How did that happen?" frowns the Dolt.
"Yeah," Haas answers in one of those call-and-response transitions I love so much, "how did that happen?" As he rambles through his dank and depressing underground chamber, Haas continues, "How is it that the great Elkin got his ass kicked by one lousy witch?" He's certainly got that "lousy" bit right, doesn't he? Lead demonic hipster Elkin, who'd been darkly brooding against a column, sneers, "I didn't get my ass kicked. I could have easily killed her if I wasn't worried about exposure." Oh, honey. Fuck exposure. Get your ass back topside and off her now. He doesn't listen to me. They never listen to me. The boys bicker with each other for a bit before Haas reiterates his plan to slaughter Victor and assume control of the Manor. Elkin grins.
P3. Pointless scene in which Piper bemoans the fate of her club, which Daddy Dearest has indeed managed to run into the ground in the seven days he's been running it. Piper also bobbles her new name when one of her underlings confronts her. She's either "Jenny Bennett" or "Julie Bennett," if you must know. Hey, if she can't remember it, why should I? After her underling's wandered off to confirm her identity with Victor, Piper's cell rings, and it's the Dolt with news of Raige's demonic-related injury. Piper howls and wails and shrews and bitches and exits to head back to the Manor.