Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Still Charmed And Sucking
By Demian | Season 8 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.24.2005
Back at the Manor, Daddy Dearest's chatting with Jason Lewis about Phoebe as a few remaining mourners file out the front door. And as every news account I've read regarding Jason Lewis's appearance this season has gone to great pains to note that he'll only be around for the first six episodes, I'll be ignoring just about everything he has to say, especially when one of his first lines regarding knockered nitwit is, "I never got over how someone as beautiful as she was could be so incredibly insightful." Shut up, Jason Lewis. You too, Enormous Mole On Jason Lewis's Cheek. Seriously, where the hell did that gigantic thing come from? Did they spackle over it for his stint on Sex And The City? 'Cause I don't remember noticing it before and it's pretty hard to miss, what with it being as big as his goddamned nose. In any event, Glamour Phoebe arrives on the scene to try to talk her way into Jason Lewis's pants. Fortunately, Glamour Piper bustles over from the dining room to shove Jason Lewis out the front door before turning to Phoebe and sniping, "You can't pick up on a guy at a funeral!" Glamour Phoebe tries and fails to come up with a zippy retort as the sounds of the littlest Psycho performing some act of horrifically wanton foulness waft into the main hall from one of the interior rooms. Glamour Piper, trailed by her father and Glamour Feebs, crosses into the center parlor to find the dead-eyed sociopath glowering murderously from the floor. As Daddy Dearest correctly notes that the Psycho can't recognize his own mother -- like the Psycho cares one way or the other -- the Dolt and Raige enter from the kitchen to do...something that's not terribly important at all. Piper and Phoebe de-glamour themselves and fret over the Psycho's supposedly fragile state of mind until Phoebe stumbles across a cunning plan to fix the current confusing situation.
Cut to the nonexistent attic, where Phoebe hustles over to an old steamer trunk to retrieve the much-abused Book Of Shadows from beneath an old quilt. "It's a good thing we kept this!" she perks as she hoists it over to its stand, and WHAT? You mean to tell me I'm supposed to believe that they quite seriously considered getting rid of the thing? God, I hate this show. ANY-way, Piper and Raige warn Phoebe that any use of magic on their part could alert the demonic world that they all continue to breathe, but Phoebe insists they have to perform a couple of minor spells to correct the various flaws in their new, glamoured existence. The first spell will rather conveniently fix each Manor Moron with a permanent new appearance visible only to those outside the family circle, so Phoebe urges her sisters and brother-in-law to concentrate on one disguise. "Nothing flashy, either," Piper warns Raige. Mugs bugs out her eyes, grimaces, and gesticulates wildly until Phoebe finally cuts through the crap to read the following from one of the Book's pages: