Episode Report Card Demian: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Day. The Maaaaaagic. Died.
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 15 | Aired on 02.15.2003
Take this beast before I end her --
Ship her back "Return To Sender!"
Nothing happens. Raige calls for a nearby apple with her orbing telekinesis. Nada. The Feebs attempts to levitate. So sorry. The Dolt bursts into the room -- he can't orb up to Whitelighterland to consult with the ever-useless Elders! Big loss, there. The three quickly realize that the anonymous power-sucking demonic mojo they just endured also likely affected Piper and the percolating infant. So what do they decide to do? Lie to Piper, of course! Phoebe darts up to the attic to retrieve the Book of Shadows while Raige corrals the fucking unicorn in the basement. The Dolt, meanwhile, is sent to placate the pregnant woman as best he can. Yeah. This'll work.
Bridal Boudoir. Piper and the Dolt bicker about her condition before agreeing to deliver the percolating infant in a hospital. The Dolt pecks Piper on the cheek, then backs away off the bed, his massive ass toppling a plant stand in the process. I, for one, am not amused, because I find this show's recent Krause ass fetish to be both disturbing and vile. Piper makes to freeze the stand, but the Dolt hastily insists that she refrain from using her powers -- the better to reduce her stress levels, he argues. Piper would unleash a sneering retort, I'm sure, were it not for the bedside cordless, which chooses this moment to ring. It's one of the Dolt's other charges, wondering why he's not answering her summons. The Dolt splutters an excuse to the wife, and exits the Boudoir to take the call.
Down in the basement, the stupid fucking unicorn is trying to eat a wall. Raige, meanwhile, scatters some feed for the geese, then steps on one of the golden eggs. Just in case you didn't get it already, the egg shatters, spattering Raige's shoes with yolk. Phoebe jiggles down the rickety staircase with the Book, which has been "erased." Raige flips through a couple of blank pages before guessing that the fucking unicorn is to blame. Yes, Raige. The fucking unicorn has stolen your powers and erased the Book. It is evil and must be destroyed immediately. Unfortunately, Phoebe disagrees with me, and suggests the previous evening's aurora, arriving as it did on the eve of a Wiccan "sabbat," has more to do with their current predicament. But omens come in threes, Raige argues. If the aurora and Wiccan Hanukkah count as the first two, what's the third? "Haven't you read your horoscope?" Phoebe duhs. "Jupiter, Mars, and Saturn are all in Gemini," she goes on to explain. "That only happens once every three hundred years." Okay. We'll go with that. Raige flusters that "the entire universe" has been trying to send them a message, and they've been ignoring it. She immediately rises to research the situation in her non-Book books up in the attic. Phoebe hangs back to wrangle the geese.