Episode Report Card Sobell: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Agent Von Blondie -- dead!
By Sobell | Season 2 | Episode 14 | Aired on 01.21.2007
Cut to a less cheery Kim asking, "What the hell is going on out there?" Well, you'd know if you bothered to 'nad up and get in the field every once in a while, wouldn't you? Kellerman blithely says that everything was touch-and-go for a moment, but he emerged smelling like the proverbial rose. Kim puts on a show of outrage with "Mahone's been shot!" Kellerman replies, "Yes, I know, Kim. I was there." That's it. I officially declare this Kellerman's episode. He owns it -- we're just watching by his fickle grace. He continues, "I saw Burrows pull the trigger. We lost a valuable asset, but --" Kim says slowly, "Mahone is alive." This news surprises Kellerman. (Well, there goes my theory that he shot to wound Mahone, not kill him. Ah, well.) Kellerman recovers with a less hale "That's good. It looked bad." Sensing that he's gained a small edge, Kim asks where Michael and Linc are. Kellerman replies, "Burrows and Scofield are dead." We cut to a shot of Michael looking confused by this news. Kellerman tries to pull the ol' I'm-getting-rid-of-the-body-now trick on Kim one more time. You'd think he would have learned his lesson from the last time he tried that. Because, again, Kim asks for visual confirmation. Why Kellerman doesn't pull over and have the guys play dead for the camera phone is beyond me, but he doesn't. Instead, he says, "You know what would be nice to hear right now, Bill? Thank you. I'll report back when they're in the ground." He clicks off and places the mobile on the dashboard. Michael says, "You leave that on, they'll trace it." Kellerman cracks himself up as he replies, "Yeah, uh, Secret Service. It's untraceable. But thanks." We cut to Michael so we can see him realize that verily, it is Kellerman's episode.
And now, the plotline few of us care about, apart from the actors in it and their families. Yes -- it's C-Note. However did you guess? We're in Mound City, Nebraska. C-Note's breaking camp, but he takes time out to lie to his little girl about where Mommy is ("She's helping a friend. We're going to see her real soon"). And then...
Well, what happens is I decide that of all the assorted subplots keeping this episode going, this is the one that will get the one-paragraph summary. Here goes:
Dede immediately calls C-Note on his crap with "I don't believe you." C-Note looks like he can't decide whether to be proud that his little girl's got a working bullshit detector, or wounded that it's working on him. He decides to table that unpleasant decision until after he calls his brother-in-law Trey. (Bring back Darius! We love Darius!) C-Note asks whether Trey's talked to Kacee, asking, "Is she all right?" Trey snaps back, "She's in jail! She's not all right. What the hell happened?" C-Note ducks the answer to that question, then says, "I want you to tell Kacee to put it all on me -- she didn't know what to do, she was scared, all that." Trey is not impressed with C-Note's self-sacrifice -- "I already told her to do all that" -- and hangs up. So C-Note decides to go play with some dolls for a while. I swear, this is not a euphemism for anything. Dede comes out of the trailer to ask if Kacee's in trouble. C-Note ducks this question too, saying, "Mommy did nothing wrong. She's helping out a friend, okay?" It is plain that he desperately wants Dede to believe this. (Rockmond Dunbar acts the hell out of this plotline; it is not his fault it is so damn tedious.) When the campsite payphone rings, he sprints over to get it. C-Note then confirms that he's the worst brother-in-law in the world by revealing to Trey that he plans on having Kacee jump bail, and they'll all head up to Alaska, where C-Note will keep them all in luxury by working in a fish hatchery. To sweeten the deal, he invites Trey along -- "You and me and Kacee and Dede, we can be a family together again. You feel me?" But what about Darius? Is he doomed to get postcards of scenic downtown Juneau with cryptic messages on the back? Some time later, there's another phone call -- Trey tells C-Note the judge denied bail and says bitterly, "Kacee's going into the system now. Aiding an escaped con -- she's looking at major time, man." This completely undoes C-Note. Choking back tears, he tells Trey, "You tell her -- I want you to tell her lawyer, tell her lawyer I'll turn myself in, okay?" Trey turns out to be the Michael Bluth of this clan, injecting some much-needed sensibility with, "You turn yourself in, Dede won't have either of you. She'll go into foster care." We get a great, eloquent expression from C-Note -- it is tearing him apart that he has to balance the competing needs of the two people he loves most in the world, and his role in all this only makes the whole situation more bitter. Keeping up that streak of extreme sensibility, Trey tells C-Note, "I'm going to hang up this phone right now, because I might say something I'll regret. You just take care of Dede." He clicks off, and C-Note's left to figure out what he'll do in the next episode.
Now, back to the rest of the show... Kellerman's Chevy Biomecrusher pulls up at what appears to be a private airport. As everyone heads into a hangar, a pilot comes out of a small plane and checks his watch. Kellerman assures them, "I'll do the talking," then confirms with the pilot that he is indeed Owen Kravecki. That's my boy! Now where was this planning back when he was dealing with Dr. Sara? Kellerman then introduces Michael and Lincoln as "Ben and Phil" and adds, "Let's get it going before our wives figure out this is a fishing trip." Sadly, neither Michael nor Lincoln gathers enough wits to add, "Whatever you say, Ennis." Instead, they are too busy being freaked out. Eventually, the guys get on the plane.