Episode Report Card Sobell: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Agent Von Blondie -- dead!
By Sobell | Season 2 | Episode 14 | Aired on 01.21.2007
Meanwhile, in Ness City, Kansas, T-Bag is patiently explaining to Susan why "it's not me, it's the fact that you killed an entire Montessori" is not reasonable grounds for a breakup. He says, "You see, I've forgiven you. And you, in turn, can forgive me for my indiscretions, which are so far in the past, they're nothing but specks in our respective rearviews." He talks awful purdy for a man who's suffered two traumatic amputations in under two weeks. Susan backs away from him until there's nowhere to go. T-Bag caresses her face with his one good hand -- which is only slightly less creepy than if he were to pet her with his purloined prosthetic -- and he whispers, "It's been such a long time. You look lovely."
Susan tries to placate him or lead him out the back door, but T-Bag says, "Susan, I am not a Victrola, so please don't play me like one." You sure? One arm, a tendency towards tinny sounds. It's easy to get confused. T-Bag continues, "There's not a white man's chance in Harlem you'd leave your children behind." As many forum members noted, Bill Clinton would be surprised to hear that. Anyway, T-Bag continues, "When you came to Fox River, and you spat at me as if I was some kind of rabid animal" -- yes, it's the spitting I remember most from Old Yeller -- "I was happy, because such a visceral reaction could only come from a woman who still cares."
Susan says that the children don't know anything -- "I didn't want to scare them, so I never told them anything about you, so please... " So how did she explain the sudden move? More importantly, how did she get her house in such wonderful order so quickly after the move? I mean, there's art on the walls and knick-knacks arranged Just So, and given that she packed, moved, and unpacked in under three weeks, that is simply uncanny.
Anyway, T-Bag is delighted that the children have not twigged to the fact that Mom's old boyfriend has been the lead topic on Nancy Grace for ten nights running. He says, "That is just so perfect. 'Cause you see now, we got ourselves a clean slate." Or the potential for gunshot wounds, given that Susan's just opened a console drawer to reveal the firearm within.
Meanwhile, back in the Chevy Behemoth, Michael is trying to regain control of the situation, and failing: "This is the conspiracy, huh? A bunch of little boys in suits running around trying to kill each other and failing? It's pathetic." Kellerman amiably says, "Well, you were a little more formidable than we anticipated." Linc snots, "We don't need compliments out of you, jackass." Kellerman chortles, "Yes! There it is -- the winning Burrows personality!" Linc orders, "Shut your mouth and drive!" and Kellerman yaps over him, "The one we knew would really win over a jury. Good work." Michael rolls his eyes all, This guy has a comeback for every occasion. Sadly, Kellerman's mobile rings before he has a chance to begin riffing on Michael's tattoos. Kellerman makes a shushing gesture -- ha! I love it! -- and picks up with a cheery "Mr. Kim!"