Episode Report Card Sobell: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Agent Von Blondie -- dead!
By Sobell | Season 2 | Episode 14 | Aired on 01.21.2007
Naturally, the SUV goes weaving wildly all over the road. For a moment, I am hopeful that this show will take the unprecedented step of veering into black comedy and killing all three men after their Chevy Cityblock rolls over a few dozen times. However, this is Prison Break, so despite SUVs' well-documented tendencies to flip over more than a team of world-class Romanian gymnasts, the vehicle stays upright with no problems. Suspension of disbelief wins again! In fact, Kellerman even manages to steer them over to a secluded dirt road. He falls out of his side of the car, Linc gets out of the other, and faster than you can say "bulging forehead veins," Linc has Hulked out and is holding a gun to Kellerman's head, screaming, "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't blow your brains out!" Michael stands there, looking oddly detached. Kellerman says, "Because I can give you the one thing that can set you free." A lesson in how to button a shirt? But how will that help?
No, it turns out that Kellerman knows where Terrence Steadman is. He'll tell us all after the credits. And the commercials. Speaking of which -- y'all, I have the comic book that 300 is based on, and I don't think I'm spoiling anyone by advising you not to get too attached to anyone.
When we get back, Michael asks Kellerman how he knows where Steadman is. Kellerman says that he arranged the whole thing. "You arranged to set me up?" asks Linc. Kellerman blinks at the gun in his face and confirms that he did: "I was given orders, I executed those orders, and now I have a bull's-eye on my chest just like you two." Michael continues to Blue Steel. Kellerman gently pushes Linc's gun down, then whips out one of his own, telling Linc, "If I wanted you dead, you'd be dead. You guys want to keep running, fine. You want to be free, get in the car. Last time I'm going to offer." He then pushes his sunglasses back on, turns around, and gets in. Michael watches him, seething with a mixture of envy and curiosity. He's so cool! He can turn any situation to his advantage! How can I do that?
Meanwhile, back at Fox River, we continue with the adventures of Bellick and his boomeranging karma. That Bellick is even still alive is the first implausible premise we're asked to swallow this time out; that he is not walking with a pronounced bowlegged strut is the second. (Although we do get a disturbing little shot of Avocado smirking while Bellick just looks haunted.) After Avocado drifts off, a giant mountain of an inmate calls out, "What's up, fish?" Appropriately enough, the inmate is named "Banks," as in "he is more massive than the banks of the Chicago river." After some of what passes for witty badinage in the prison yard, Banks makes a proposition: "I got what's called a mutual beneficial arrangement in my mind. I look out after you, make sure nobody get up in your knicks, and all you got to do is bring me your dessert after the next meal." Frankly, given Banks's low body fat, I'm fairly skeptical that he's eaten a complex carb since 1996. I am only slightly less skeptical that all he wants is Bellick's butterscotch blondie. In an unusually subdued voice, Bellick stammers, "I'm just looking to do my time. I don't want any trouble." Banks explains that Bellick will certainly get some trouble a la mode if he doesn't deliver on the dessert promise. Bellick says belligerently, "No. Wrong guy." Banks backhands him, and Bellick goes flying across the yard. And that is how Bellick is persuaded to give Banks his dessert.