Episode Report Card Sobell: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Agent Von Blondie -- dead!
By Sobell | Season 2 | Episode 14 | Aired on 01.21.2007
Meanwhile, back in Fox River, the music of impending dessert violence plays as Bellick lumbers through the lunch line. He sets his tray down on a table, carefully wraps the brownie in a napkin for presentation. That detail absolutely kills me, and just goes to show how tremendously thorough Wade Williams is in fleshing out Bellick as a character. Anyway, Bellick brings his brownie over to his new BFF and silently hands it over. Banks chews it and says, "Mmm! Now that is delicious." Bellick silently turns to go, and Banks stops him with, "Now hold on! We got a problem. It's one brownie. What about my boys? You see the position you put me in? They got to stand there with their stomachs growling while I savor this delicious treat. That makes me look like a real ass." Bellick does not suggest that Banks could have split the delicious treat six ways and given everyone as little bit, perhaps because his survival instincts are more finely honed than mine. Banks unfolds himself and looms over Bellick, asking, "Are you trying to make me look like an ass?" Bellick -- who has been avoiding Banks's eye contact the whole time -- snivels, "You said the deal was I was only supposed to bring you one dessert." Banks replies, "Well, I'm fickle, bitch. Now it's five desserts, every meal." Bellick looks dangerously close to angry, humiliated tears. Banks runs his fingers through Bellick's chest hair and says, "If you can't come up with that, there are other ways to make me happy." Bellick does not reply, "By re-enacting the waxing scene in The 40 Year-Old Virgin?"
Instead, he says that he's got some other candy in his pocket. It's pain candy, in the form of a sap. He quickly takes out Banks, then walks off as the COs all dither around the fallen giant.
And now we are back in Kansas, looking at Susan's photo albums. T-Bag is hurt that Susan has elected to remove him from her scrapbooks. Then he says, "I'm just teasin', baby. Every woman has burned the photographs of her paramour, only to later realize her love burns even hotter than the flames she used." Or, if you're me, to realize that there's no better way to handle a breakup than by roasting s'mores over the smoldering cache. Two graham crackers, a Hershey square and sweet, toasty, marshmallowy catharsis. Delicious!
Right then, the kids come home. Boy, are they happy to see him. And T-Bag seems happy to see them too, asking the girl, "You still getting more As than an aardvark?" The son, Zach, asks, "What are you doing here? Mom said you got a job on an oil rig?" T-Bag is delighted by this lie, because he can now use it to explain the stump ("Got myself injured") and his fat bag of cash ("The good lawyers at Dewey Cheatham & Howe got me a million bones for every digit I lost"). While this is going on, Susan eyes the table where she's stashed the gun. T-Bag heads her off and tells everyone, "With all that cash, that means I can do anything I want, and all I want to do is spend all my money, and all my time, with you." The kids beam idiotically, completely oblivious to the neon signs indicating that their mother is about to jump out of her skin with terror.