Episode Report Card Sobell: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Agent Von Blondie -- dead!
By Sobell | Season 2 | Episode 14 | Aired on 01.21.2007
We then zoom over to Albuquerque, land of many fine hospitals. This one happens to have Agent Mahone resting comfortably in a bed. That ends shortly: Agent Von Blondie -- whom many of you will recall fondly as Veronica's assassin -- pops into view and says, "Glad you're awake." He doesn't seem glad. Mahone was shot in the rotator cuff -- six inches to the right and he'd have been dead. Mahone, however, is wincing. Perhaps his dream of dominating the Masters' circuit in butterfly stroke has just died. Agent Von Blondie hands over the phone -- it's Agent Kim. That'll set his recovery back.
Kim says brightly, "You're a lucky man." "Am I?" Mahone replies. "Kellerman finished the job you couldn't. He, unfortunately, is still out there. He's a loose end you were supposed to take care of." Mahone chuckles darkly before informing Kim that Kellerman is such a loose end, he's the one popping federal agents at carefully planned melees. Mahone concludes, "The guy you wanted to double-cross screwed you first." Kim feigns shock. "Scofield and Burrows?" he asks. "Are probably alive," Mahone replies, apparently not lucid enough to realize that Kim's roping him back into a knotty little situation vis-Ã -vis Team Escarpara. Wait, wait -- I just gave Kim too much credit. When Mahone says blurrily, "[Burrows and Scofield] are on the run with Kellerman," Kim seems legitimately surprised by the news. As the camera pulls in tight on Kim's face, some out-of-focus underling in the background says impotently, "We neutered Kellerman. He doesn't even exist anymore." Kim looks legitimately dismayed as he whispers, "He knows everything."
Commercials. You know, in my house growing up, we weren't even allowed to answer the phone during dinner. If someone had tried bringing a mobile to the table, they probably would have been forced to eat it, Verizon.
Once we come back, we're in a new location -- the fantastic imagination of Thomas Kincaid, Painter of Lightâ¢. No, wait, we're in Montana, at Terrence Steadman's swanky secluded spread. The poor man. He suffers so -- in addition to living in a setting as dreamed by Thomas Kincaid, Painter of Lightâ¢, Steadman must also endure a non-stop stream of Fox "News." This explains why he doesn't take the news of Lincoln and Michael's most recent escapades well. As Steadman strides through room after well-appointed room, he snarls, "I was supposed to have my life back by now! Playing ball, renting movies, seeing people... but because you guys can't get a handle on an engineer and a petty crook, I've been a ship in a bottle for over three years." What a whiner! Who among us has not dreamed of having the chance to escape daily life and spend three years in a bucolic setting, clad in pajamas and stoned to the gills on really great drugs?
And we're back in Albuquerque, where Mahone is sitting upright, in a nice clean white shirt. The hospital will probably charge him $236.99 for it. Agent Von Blondie comes in and says that Kim has ordered Mahone to finish the job -- presumably, that means killing Lincoln, Michael, and Kellerman. Mahone tells Von Blondie to get bent. He says, "Kim and Kellerman can try to kill each other all day long. But I'm out." Agent Von Blondie makes a threatening murmur in re: Oscar Shales and Mahone shoots back, "Go tell the world about Shales! In fact, I will. I killed a predator who tortured and raped women, and I buried him in my back yard. I'll do the time. I don't care anymore! I'm out." Agent Von Blondie is not happy about this.