Episode Report Card M. Giant: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Bizarre Love Triangle
By M. Giant | Season 4 | Episode 7 | Aired on 01.30.2005
1:33:56. TerrorTeen is standing by the side of the road as TerrorMom approaches. That was less than a half hour. The SwarthyGuysMobile is tracking her along a parallel street. TerrorTeen doesn't notice her glancing nervously at the other car as she pulls up, or the fact that it stops level with her a block over. He leans over into the passenger-side window and whines about TerrorDad wanting to kill him. TerrorMom tells him not to worry, but just get in. He does. TerrorTeen is having a moral crisis. "We killed two people today. I can't do this. I'm freaking out." TerrorMom shushes him as she notices a train passing by. "Get on the train," she snaps. This is her brilliant plan? Have him make a break on foot a hundred yards to try to jump on a moving train, when he's being watched from an idling car? And then what? Where's TerrorTeen going to go? His dad wants him dead, the Terror Organization wants him dead, and the police aren't likely to set him up in a posh hotel suite. His only hope is to try and join the Mafia. TerrorTeen doesn't think it makes any more sense than I do, even when TerrorMom pushes him out of the TerrorMobile. He just stands there like a big dumb dork until TerrorMom's car window explodes and she's got a slug in her arm. Dude, TerrorDad's shooting at them! That's going to come back to haunt him when they start dividing up the marital property, I'm thinking. TerrorTeen jumps back in next to his screaming mother and drives the car from the shotgun seat. The SwarthyGuysMobile is in motion too, TerrorDad making an "I can't fucking believe this" face at his fractious family. Then he and his guys are cut off by a bus, and TerrorMom and Teen get away. It's 1:35:38.
1:40:03. Because Skip is a television hacker, he moves from computer to computer as he works; some late-model sedan goes somewhere; and Kiefer is still stuck in a car with his loser girlfriend. I think they might be heading for a rough patch, if you know what I mean. The SwarthyGuysMobile pulls up to some nondescript restaurant. TerrorDad gets out and follows a lengthy route through a kitchen and its restaurant to the inner sanctum where we saw ImhoTerror earlier. If there are guards besides Middle Eastern Keith Richards protecting ImhoTerror, their presence is not apparent. TerrorDad presents himself before ImhoTerror, who doesn't look happy to see him. TerrorDad is also not happy to report that "my wife and TerrorTeen have betrayed us." Goddammit, what's this world coming to if you can't trust your family to stick by you when you try to kill them? ImhoTerror rubs his large forehead and motions TerrorDad to sit. He wants to know where the rest of the TerrorFamily is now. So does TerrorDad, but he points out that TerrorMom is going to need medical attention. "So you come to me, asking for help with this mess?" ImhoTerror growls. "I'm ashamed of myself," TerrorDad says. Aw, TerrorDad, don't be so hard on yourself. In today's world, it's tough to raise a kid with the proper disregard for human life and total lack of moral compass. "Allow me to make this right," he begs. ImhoTerror wants to know what that entails. TerrorDad needs the hospitals monitored, plus drivers and access to police frequencies, since they may pick up the shot Middle Eastern lady who's driving around town. ImhoTerror, clearly ImhoTated, taps a few keys and closes his laptop. "I told you, I can't be distracted by this right now," he says. He stands up and tells Middle Eastern Keith Richards, "Give him what he needs." TerrorDad thanks him. ImhoTerror leans down into his face and says, "No matter what happens today, you will answer for this." TerrorDad says he understands, then watches ImhoTerror head off to the biffy. By the way, if ImhoTerror knows that Lispy Skip has already effectively thwarted 84% of his big TerrorPlan, he makes no mention of it here.