Episode Report Card M. Giant: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Bizarre Love Triangle
By M. Giant | Season 4 | Episode 7 | Aired on 01.30.2005
Poor Paul Giamatti. He's the anti-Tom Hanks.
1:53:37. Lispy Skip concentrates, TerrorMom bleeds in the shotgun seat, TerrorMinions search the hallways at Felsted, and the President is still running the country from cruising altitude. DaD and a table of CTUers are addressing him via the big videoconference screen, talking about evacuation scenarios if they're unable to shut down the other seventeen reactors in the next three hours. Looking at the map, I'd say the Carolinas are going to be pretty hot. Hotter than normal, I mean. I once evacuated the Carolina coast when a hurricane was coming. It took three hours to get to the first gas station. POTUS wants to know about their chances of shutting down those remaining seventeen plants, and Driscoll calmly says it's less than fifty percent, although they're trying something now and they'll know more in fifteen minutes. Hey, that's not until next week! That doesn't do us any good. Also, you suppose DrisKid's dead? As the meeting breaks up, DaD wants someone to find out whether Kiefer and DoDder have come up with anything. It's 1:54:32. Everyone but DaD gets up and leaves. As Driscoll's on her way out, she notices that DaD's looking pretty tired and she offers him a room where he can rest. DaD appreciates the offer, but since Driscoll didn't mention anything about the room coming with a razor, a hairbrush, a change of clothes, and plenty of black coffee, he passes. He asks about DrisKid. Driscoll back-stories that "It's something we've lived with since she was six years old. There are good days and bad days. Today's a bad one." "I'm sorry," DaD says. Man, how can you tell if a six-year-old is schizophrenic or not? I always thought that pretty much all of them are.
Kiefer and DoDder are slowly working their way through the abandoned halls at Felsted Security. They're about to move forward when Kiefer spots a lurking TerrorMinion in a stairwell mirror. He waits for the right moment, then pops him. Now they've made it to what looks like a maintenance garage. They're the only ones there, until the door to the outside starts rising. Three TerrorMinions come inside as our heroes take cover behind a large rolling toolbox. But then an interior door opens, and Kiefer has to give away his position to shoot the guy who has a clear shot at them. Uncharacteristically, it takes four shots to get the guy to go down, and he flies backward like he's in a Sam Raimi film. Now the bad guys from outside are closing in on them with Uzis. Kiefer has a plan, though: he's going to get the gun off the guy he just shot while DoDder covers him. Plan's in motion! So's Kiefer! He uses a rolling rack of bulletproof windshields as cover while he runs to the dead guy. Except he's not dead! Hey! Kiefer shot him four times! What gives? The fifth bullet dispatches him, but it's all for naught, because the guy was out of rounds anyway. "Dammit," Kiefer hisses. This whole time, DoDder's been providing covering fire, and actually looking somewhat cool doing it. Kiefer yells at DoDder to get down. "I'm out!" she yells back. Oh, brilliant. So much for cool. Tell everyone, why don't you? Kiefer gets back to her, returning fire the whole way. "I'm empty," he hisses. Way to leave that full tactical in the car, Kiefer. The two remaining bad guys notice that nobody's shooting back at them any more, and start moving in. Kiefer picks up a dropped gun and holds it by the muzzle, prepared to use it as a club. But just as the two hostiles are about to get into position, shots ring out from outside and the bad guys go down.