Episode Report Card Demian: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Headless, The Sweathogs, And America's Crotch
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 14 | Aired on 02.07.2004
Power of Three unite
To end this grisly fright:
Reverse the roles
And make us whole.
The Horseman explodes into a cloud of fire and black shards as the gals' heads vanish from their various perches on the table. Phoebe and Raige slowly push themselves into sitting positions where their bodies fell earlier, and Phoebe immediately starts feeling herself up. No, seriously. "You want me to get you a room?" Raige snorts. A restored Piper enters from wherever they've been hiding her body, and the three Ps head back to the Manor.
Manor. Wow. Boring! Mini-Barbarino has Gideon pinned to the floor with a dagger he's telekinetically pressing against Gideon's throat. Mini-Barbarino rants and raves about his miserable existence, and I totally don't care because I just met the kid a half an hour ago and I know I'll never see him again. Can we get back to Big Gay Chris? Please? Oh, fine. The Glamorous Ladies arrive in time to talk Mini-Barbarino down. Gideon realizes he's "been more invisible than [he] realized over the years." Mini-Barbarino looks guilty and remorseful. Raige tries to look sage, but her hair's working against her. Scene.
The Closing Travelogue eventually bumps us over to P3, where the usual crowd of dot-bomb yuppies waves their arms in the air like they don't care while Ziggy Marley belts out a particularly incomprehensible set of lyrics involving some joy he encountered in a town called Sorrow, where he met the Painless Tear -- who, freed, expressed emotions that egos fear. Yeah. Smoke another bowl, dude. Elsewhere, the gals perch on a set of stools behind the bar to disguise the fact that Holly Marie Combs is, by now, three hundred and thirty-four weeks pregnant. Piper confirms that Ziggy was meant to play the club earlier but had to reschedule, and that's as pointless a bit of trivia as I've ever seen incorporated into a shooting script. Lessons Of The Week follow, and they're as wretched and tiresome as the episode itself. Raige finally realizes she'll be able to convince Buttfuck to bind his powers. Piper's decided to fret less about raising the Psycho as an only child and more about separating him from his family by shipping him off to a boarding school. Phoebe smugly hints at the future she saw for the Manor Morons without giving away any of the details. So that would mean that Raige learned how to be a controlling bitch, Piper learned how to stifle her eldest child by keeping a hypervigilant eye on him at all times, and Phoebe learned how to be a smug, self-centered hag. Wait a minute. They knew that already! So this episode was totally pointless! Hooray! Not.
Just then, Phoebe spots Big Gay Chris as he enters the nightclub and squeezes through the crowd on his way to the pathetic hovel they've knocked together for him in the office. Phoebe excuses herself to follow him. Big Gay Chris plods into the office with a wearily worried expression on his face and Phoebe hot on his heels. He's wearing a dark green t-shirt under a brown corduroy jacket with a downturned sheepskin collar, and my, but he's fetching when he's depressed. "Hey," Phoebe begins. Big Chris heys back before wondering, "So, did you come here to kick me out?" "No," Phoebe admits. "I came here to ask you a question." "What?" Big Chris too casually shrugs. "I need you to be honest with me," Phoebe states, approaching him carefully. "No games, no running away -- just the truth." Chris, cornered, and desperately needing someone he can trust, responds with a fretful gaze and a simple, "Okay." Phoebe inhales, then drops the bomb: "Are you [the Psycho's] little brother?" Chris sighs heavily and averts his eyes, then looks back to the Feebs and offers, "If I can get Piper and the Dolt back together in time." Phoebe sets her jaw as Chris drops his head a bit, and we fade to black.