Episode Report Card Demian: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Headless, The Sweathogs, And America's Crotch
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 14 | Aired on 02.07.2004
Raige clomps into the kitchen with, "What the hell are you doing here?" "I need your help," Big Gay Chris pleads. Raige gets snotty and loud and dismissive before spinning on her heel to head back onto the sun porch. "Just hear me out," Chris begs, lunging for her arm. "I'm running out of time." "What's that supposed to mean?" Raige spits. "Exactly that," he replies. "Don't you see? That's the only reason I went to the demon. He can scan for evil and maybe figure out who's gonna turn [the Psycho]." "You're not making any sense," Raige claims, and she's got a point. Out with it already, Chris! "I need you to trust me," he implores, "and I need you to get Piper and the Dolt to trust me too."
Before Raige can answer, general mayhem erupts on the sun porch, and Piper's Head shrieks frantically for its sister. Raige and Chris race into the dining room in time to catch sullen teens scattering throughout the main floor as the Horseman chases after them with his sword. He takes aim at Raige, but Chris yanks her downwards at the last possible moment. The Horseman's sword ends up gouging a chunk from the wall before he wheels his horse around and charges out into the garden through the sun porch's glass doors. Everyone regroups on the as Piper's Head calls for a "head count." "No jokes," she adds. Don't worry. Piper's Head next shoots Big Gay Chris a foul look and demands he explain his presence in the Manor. "I'm just trying to help," he replies as Gideon enters the stairwell through the portal, wondering what the hell is going on. Raige and Big Gay Chris bring him up to speed, and Gideon announces that Raige must find a way to stop the Horseman immediately, as "people on the outside" aren't protected the way the staff and students are in the school. "They'll die," Gideon warns. Raige determines that they'll need the Feebs, so Chris volunteers to retrieve her from The Lair Of America's Crotch. "You can't wait for her," Gideon insists as Chris disappears up the stairs. "You have to go after the Horseman now." Raige buhs that she can't do it alone. Gideon's not having it. "Don't let your concerns about [Buttfuck] make you question yourself," he instructs. "You can do this. I'll help you." Raige adopts an expression of determination and takes Gideon's proffered hand. The two orb out.
Meanwhile, Epstein's doing something stupid on the sun porch. Piper's Head threatens to turn him into a toad.
Oh, hello, Dark, Forbidding Alleyway Of Doom. A frantic yupster rounds the corner, followed closely by some white-boy gangbanger who fires off, like, eighteen shots at the guy and misses him completely. Whatever. The yupster drops his satchel and flees. The gangbanger makes to ransack the satchel just as the Horseman appears at the far end of the alleyway and charges in the gangbanger's direction. Raige and Gideon orb in just in time to see the gangbanger get whacked. Gideon shoots his hand out to conjure the Not!warts portal in the middle of the alleyway, and the Horseman charges right through it. Horseman and portal then promptly disappear. "At least we got him back," Raige shrugs. "Not soon enough," Gideon intones. "The death of an innocent means the death of Magic School." I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Pity. Raige glums her way into the commercial break. Shut up, Raige.