Episode Report Card Keckler: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Nobs And Nonsense
By Keckler | Season 1 | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.13.2001
Quantum splits a captain's log and reports that on July 31, 2151, they got rid of all the mining equipment under Ye Olde Curiosity Shoppe, and none of the Ecoli are the wiser. Except those who were in the streets when the phaser fight broke out and were probably watching from behind their curtains when the Mallurians beamed out. Whatever, dude, you culturally contaminated them, and they're going to have a special clause in the Prime Directive named for you. In order to wrap up his love life, Quantum brings a quantity of medicine down for Riaan so that she can treat her leprosy victims. "Tell them to take the entire dose," Quantum says, pulling out a small jar, which, I'm sorry, looks like the kind of specimen you have to take to the doctor's office. Who would drink that? Riaan asks what will happen if Garos comes back, and Quantum tells her that the Vulcans will be looking after them to make sure he doesn't. "They could stop by for tea," Riaan says. Green tea. Quantum tells her it's best if she didn't go around telling tales. "Who'd believe me, anyway?" Riaan asks. Oh, I don't know, maybe the PEOPLE IN THE STREET?! Quantum delivers some cheese-infested line about no other planet being this "memorable," so they have a Moment and kiss. "Is your translator broken again?" Riaan asks, when they come up for air. Quantum pretends not to get it: "I'm sorry? I don't understand a word you're saying." They kiss again. I throw up again. Shouldn't he leap now?
Next week, Mayflower thought he left his spine behind on Earth, but it turns out he didn't when faced with smelly Nausicaans and a smellier Captain Quantum. Be excellent to each other and eat lots of bird.