Episode Report Card Keckler: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Nobs And Nonsense
By Keckler | Season 1 | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.13.2001
"Who are you?" Ubiquitous Shadow asks, shakily. "What did you do to that door?" "Nuthin'," Trip says, uncannily imitating Dubya at his press conferences. "Honest." Ubiquitous Shadow demands to know what they're doing there, and Quantum assures her that she doesn't need to point her weapon at them. "We're collectors," he says, "We're picking up an antique." Now see here! The Ecoli might be pre-warp and pre-pewp disposal, but they aren't simple-minded. "A real collector would have waited until the shop was open," Ubiquitous Shadow tells them. "You're not here to pick up any antiques. I've been watching this shop for weeks -- I know all about your 'evening deliveries.'" Hmmm, there's something fishy going on. "'Deliveries'?" Quantum asks. "People are getting sick. Some are even dying because of what's going on here -- did you know that?" she asks. Trip and Quantum just goggle at her. "Move away from the door!" she orders. There's a phaser blast, and Ubiquitous Shadow crumples to the floor. "Was that necessary?" Quantum asks his Science Officer, newly arrived on the scene. Look, he's smitten already, the big doofus. "She was armed," T'Pol points out, blandly. "Let's try not to shoot anyone else while we're here, okay?" Quantum says, examining his lady love. "I'll try," T'Pol says, not batting an eye at the Foreshadowing Replicator. Quantum tells T'Pol that they've found the reactor, and it's protected by an energy field. "We should go," T'Pol says. "It'll be dawn soon." Trip gestures at the prone Ubiquitous Shadow on the floor and asks, "What about her? We can't just leave her." Quantum rifles through the Ub Shadow's pockets and pulls out her identification papers. "Hoshi," he urges, handing them over to his language expert. Hoshi pushes some techno-buttons and reports, "Her name's Riaan; she's an apothecary." Does she have an Apothecary Table from Pottery Barn? Quantum tells his crew, "I'll meet you back at the shuttle." I'll bet you will, Capt. Bamp-Chicka Bow-Wow.
I am the cheese. Aging. You know what else ages? Post Road.
It is the next morning, and Quantum apparently managed to decipher Riaan's papers enough to bring her to her home. Riaan groggily comes out from under the Roofie effect and jerks herself upright. "What did you do to me?" she demands of Quantum, through the dusty haze of her shop. It's daylight, but somehow they thought it was a good idea to light multiple candles. Quantum balderdashes her and says she simply fainted. "That's the second lie you've told me," Riaan tells him, arching her brow and back from the recesses of her curtain-draped bed. "You're not very good at it. Why did you bring me back here? Did Garos tell you to? Are you working for him?" Quantum tells her he doesn't know who she's talking about. "He owns the shop you broke into," Riaan tells him. Quantum says he's not working for anyone, and that he just wanted to be sure she got home safely. Yeah, I'd feel safe if some stranger lied to me, phased me, brought me home, hovered while I slept, and then pretended to be John Wayne when I woke up. Riaan and Quantum establish that they both think there's something curious about Ye Olde Curiosity Shoppe, and that maybe working together would be beneficial. Quantum tells Riaan that he's an investigator from another city, and asks if he can come back later to talk about the sickness inflicting the people of her city. Riaan nods, shooting a come-back-and-see-me-sometime look from under her lashes, and asks what his name is. Quantum whips his cape up to his nose and says, "I'm Batman!" Or maybe he just says, "Jon." "'Jon'?" she repeats, "How far away is this city?" she asks, ironically. That is, it's ironical to us, not her. Quantum just smiles and leaves. Hardy NOT har har.