Episode Report Card Keckler: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Nobs And Nonsense
By Keckler | Season 1 | Episode 9 | Aired on 11.13.2001
T'Pol asks to speak to Quantum. "I'd love a cup," Quantum tells Riaan, handing over another sake-sized cup, before joining T'Pol in the corner. "Did you get what you need?" he asks her. T'Pol assents and says she has to go back to the ship in order to analyze her data. "All right, you and the others head back," Quantum says, looking over at Riaan. T'Pol asks what he's going to do. "I'll stay here and see if I can learn more about Garos and these shipments," Quantum says. T'Pol reminds him, "The longer you remain, the more you risk cultural contamination." And VD. And impetigo. And pin worms. "These people are suffering from something a lot worse than 'cultural contamination,'" Quantum tells her. "We've gotta find out what it is." Quantum shoves the door for T'Pol, who turns and bestows a look on Riaan. "Enjoy your tea," T'Poll tells Quantum, and leaves.
Enterprise. Phlox and T'Pol analyze T'Pol's data, and Phlox is favorably impressed by Riaan's medical sophistication. Phlox looks at the litmus paper T'Pol dipsticked and reports, "The water sample's contaminated with tetracyanate six-two-two." T'Pol doesn't know what that is, so Phlox tells her and the audience that it's a synthetic compound used as an industrial lubricant. Um, yuck, at all the connotations that information dredges up. "It's quite toxic," Phlox says. Isn't Quantum drinking tea at this moment made with that contaminated water? T'Pol asks whether it's responsible for the epidemic, and Phlox tells her, "If it's managed to seep into the groundwater, absolutely." T'Pol says she'll notify the Captain, and Phlox continues puttering about with the data.
Planet surface. Some romantic evening, you may meet an alien, but not until later. Quantum and Riaan watch Ye Olde Curiosity Shoppe. Riaan mutters to herself as she takes notes in her diary. Quantum asks her whether she said something to him, and she apologizes, saying, "I mutter what I'm writing, sometimes. It's an old habit." Aw, isn't that charming and downright irresistible to our intrepid captain? Quantum says, "I have a similar one -- I talk to my dog." Do the Ecoli have dogs or even a parallel word that could be translated? Riaan smiles and says, "My mother bought me a tusorop ko once but it tuproya plo dok," Riaan tells him. No, you're not just hearing things; it looks like Quantum and the crew of the Enterprise might be experiencing some technical difficulties with their translating device. Quantum furrows his captainly brow and asks, "What was that?" Riaan looks at him and babbles some more in Ecolian. Now, if he can't understand her, wouldn't it be logical that his words weren't being translated back either? Riaan continues to talk in Ecolian until Quantum can't stand it and kisses her. I guess he's discoursing in the Interplanetary Language of Looove. Behind Riaan's back, Quantum fusses with his Indiglo communicator as he continues to kiss her. He comes up for air, but she's still babbling in a rather translated way, so he kisses her again. What if she's telling him, "Get orff me, you salacious bastard, or I'll call the cops!"? Quantum fiddles some more with the translation matrix on his communicator. Finally, he breaks the embrace, pushes her face into his shoulder and asks, "Are you all right?" "All right?" she asks, dreamily. And all's well again with the lingo. They break away from each other. "I'm all right," Riaan tells him, smiling. "Someone was walking this way," Quantum says, awkwardly, "but he turned and went around the corner. I thought if we pretended to be --" "I understand," Riaan says, giving him a weird look and turning back to her notes. A door closes somewhere, so they quell their hormones and look at Ye Olde Curiosity Shoppe. A man loads crates into a wheelbarrow and walks away. Quantum and Riaan follow.