Episode Report Card Gustave: B | 4 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Midnight at Casa Kiefer
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 11.05.2001
Next, we're at Senator David Palmer's campaign headquarters, which seems to be a Hilton Hotel suite. A Steadicam follows his wife, whose informal twin set is the same warm beige as the carpeting and the curtains which adorn the glass walls. Whoever art-directed this series obviously has a serious hard-on for glass walls and floor length curtains and the color cream. Either that, or it's supposed to be symbolic that all the interiors are transparent but veiled. Palmer, a poor man's Denzel Washington, and his staff are sitting out on the balcony having a speech-writing meeting. I guess we're supposed to think that Palmer is good ole simple decent guy who just wants to be President so he can do right for the country, because he keeps making changes in the speech in order to make it sound less "self-serving" at the suggestion of his wife. Poor Man's Denzel compromises on the wording of the speech and kisses her goodnight so she can go off and write thank-you notes.
It's 12:03:25 AM at Casa Kiefer, a white bungalow with a neat lawn, black shutters, and a big red brick chimney. "You're having trouble, Dad," says a voice from inside. Inside, Kiefer and Spawn of Kiefer, a poor man's Erika Christensen (or maybe a poor man's Jennifer Jason Leigh?) are playing chess in a homey but opulent living room full of Asian collectible decorative arts. "At last!" cries America (or at least 7.5 percent of its Nielsen families). "Kiefer!" We're all dying to know how he looks; no one's seen him since his fiancé Julia Roberts took a look at her Pretty Woman box office returns, realized she'd be marrying beneath her, and decided to dump his ass and run off to Ireland with his best friend Jason Patric, leaving his career a black smoldering hole. We all, like Kiefer, wonder how things would be different if she hadn't left him at the altar…and simply divorced him thirty-two days later like she did to Dwight Yoakam…I mean Lyle Lovett. Well, I'm happy to report that time has been kind to Kiefer. He's wearing his "cool dad" outfit, which consists of an cobalt blue athletic t-shirt over a white undershirt, charcoal grey stretch pants, and Nike running shoes with no socks. For some reason he has a folded-up newspaper in his hand, even though he's playing chess with his daughter. Maybe he swats her over the head with it when she plays badly? They have an expository conversation about the fact that he's just moved back home after having a big marital spat with Bride of Kiefer. Spawn of Kiefer, who looks like she's thirty, dressed in a big pink fluffy robe with tendrils of blonde hair peeking out from her oh-so-casual French-braided hairstyle is sent to bed, 'cause after all it's a school night.
On her way to her room, she walks through the Casa Kiefer Kitchen; her mother, Bride of Kiefer, is sitting at a breakfast nook which seems to have been purchased at Workbench, doing work at a wafer-thin laptop. Although she's wearing a cool-mom outfit consisting of a sage-colored Lycra long-sleeved workout top and a cream-colored pair of stretch pants, Spawn of Kiefer gives her mother the cold shoulder and stomps off to bed. Bride of Kiefer buries her head in her manicured hand. Kiefer, who's seen the whole brush-off, comes in to comfort her. BOK looks a good two or three years older than her daughter and has this hairstyle I can only describe as unfortunate. It looks like the kind of haircut you give yourself when you're six. "Mommy! Mommy! Look what me and my friend Abigail did! We gave each other summer haircuts! Aren't we pretty?" They provide some home-life back story by discussing the fact that SOK blames BOK for K moving out. BOK thinks SOK is trying manipulate K into siding with her in her war against her mother. Kiefer assures BOK that he busts SOK when SOK tries to turn him against BOK. "Don't take it so personally," says Kiefer, going to the double-door fridge and getting himself a little tub o' pudding. "It's just a mother/teenaged daughter thing." BOK sulks some more, so Kiefer suggests that they go talk to her right this second and let her know she can't play them against each other. They walk to her room, engage in a little foreplay on the way, and open her door. Despite the generic grrrl-rocker tunes blaring from her stereo, Spawn of Kiefer is nowhere to be found. The sound of a car pulling out of the Casa Kiefer driveway can plainly be heard through an open window. Bride of Kiefer vows to ground her for two months. As Kiefer goes through SOK's scrapbook, the phone rings. It's for Kiefer. Kiefer's boss wants him to come in to the office for an emergency meeting. Kiefer apologizes for having to leave. He tells BOK he'll be back in an hour and they'll look for SOK then.