Episode Report Card Gustave: B | 4 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Midnight at Casa Kiefer
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 11.05.2001
Inside the airplane, a dark brooding European dude in a charcoal gray rayon shirt open to mid-chest checks out a stewardess's ass and asks her in a German accent when the flight is landing. The stewardess informs him that they'll be landing in an hour. Dark brooding European dude interlaces his fingers and moistens his lips in anticipation. The screen goes black and the time, 12:20:07, is flashed across the screen.
So then there's a commercial break. I don't get the new Honda ad where they all gather around the campfire and the guy announces that he's going to load up his standard CD player with hours of New Age music. Are they dissing New Age music? There's no reaction shot of the other guys around the campfire when he announces this, so I have no idea what the point is, and then it just ends abruptly. Shrek is the number-one selling video. Steve Carell is doing Fed Ex ads and I'm sort of glad that he's making some real money. I can't imagine that the Daily Show pays him enough. Life as a House with Kevin Kline? Oh. Dear. Cingular cell phones have text messaging so you can send naughty coded messages to your teenage friends. America Online is "number one" because it's a great place for your kids to meet pedophiles who will abduct them and make them underage porn stars.
When we return, the clock reads 12:22:54 and a split screen is shown. On the left, Spawn of Kiefer is checking out the bedding department with her new friend Rick. On the upper right, Bride of Kiefer is checking out her cuticles. On the lower right, Kiefer walks determinedly down the hall of CTU. At Senator David Palmer's campaign headquarters, Palmer's assistant picks up her cell phone. "Hey Martin, how're you doing?" she asks. "It's the photographer," she whispers to David Palmer. The screen splits, and on the other end of the line is brooding Euro dude, who tells her he's landing in one hour and confirms his plans to meet with the Senator for a photo session at 7 AM. Ohmygod! The foreign shooter is posing as a photographer in order to gain access to his target! When he hangs up, his seatmate, an attractive brunette who looks like she'd be a professional groupie for the Dave Matthews Band turns to him and goes, "You know David Palmer?" "I am going to be taking a few, uh, photographs of him," says brooding Eurotrash. "You're a photographer?" says groupie chick in a gritty voice that suggests many bong hits by the pool. "Have I ever seen one of your photographs?" Hey, it's gonna be just like Day of the Jackal when that assassin does that girl in the airplane bathroom and then kills her! Except that considering that the groupie chick is played by independent film actress Mia Kirshner and the brooding Euro guy is played by the guy who played Dracula in the season premiere of Buffy last year, it would seem there's a plot twist coming.