Episode Report Card Erin: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Truly, Madly, Deeply
By Erin | Season 2 | Episode 18 | Aired on 03.15.2003
Irina tells Em that Arvy will explain everything, hands him the genetics disk as promised, and leaves. Arvy starts to quietly tell his wife to have a seat, but Em's ready to blow. She's all, okay, uh, I've about had enough here, Captain Craptastic. How long have you known Irina was alive? Arvy's all, uh, not long. Two weeks? A month? I don't know. Em's all, DUDE. SPILL IT. What in the FUCK is happening around here? And don't talk down to me. Don't leave anything out. I CUT MY FINGER OFF FOR YOU. The least you can do is be honest with me! Arvy's all, yeah, but the finger grew back! It's a miracle! Em's all, FUCK YOUR MIRACLES! What're we doing here with a woman who died twenty years ago?! Arvy's all, I'm pursuing the truth! Em's all, oh, well, that's okay then. That explains it all! Guess you and I are looking for the same thing! I hate you, you sanctimonious deceptive PRICK!
Sloane finally states, "Emily, what I am looking for, among other things, will let you live cancer-free." "I am cancer-free," she spits. "Forever," he says, smiling beatifically at her. And there's this moment where you can totally tell that Auntie Em's on the fence about her sneak of a husband, but living indefinitely without having to go through chemo is veeeeerrrrry tempting...
Plot Device Diner. The Cute Couples are enjoying a Francinator feast and discussing Syd and Francie's high school days. Will's amazed that his girlfriend used to date a quarterback. Francinator delivers a very good impression of Francie smiling as Syd goes, "What was his name? Frank? Hank?" Francinator just looks at her plate and goes, "I forgot all about that guy." And the smile drops from Syd's face faster than you can say, "Debra Messing Needs To Eat About FIFTEEN Big Macs."
Dude. DUDE. I barely dated in high school but I remember EVERY LAST GUY I EVER LIKED. And I'm thirty-four! Freshman year, I totally had the hots for Matt Messino, a senior who had NO idea I existed. Sophomore year, I was digging Denis Duffy's chili. Junior year, I was all about the Hunt Baldwin. By senior year, I'd given up on high school boys because they were basically a bunch of skirt-chasing, beer-swilling, horndogs who cared more about keggers than kissing, so no name to report there.
But, see? That was, like, ten years ago, and I remember ALLLLL of them. There's no way in HELL that Francie wouldn't remember that guy's name. Or, even if she didn't, she could have, like, COVERED better! Seriously. She couldn't have gone, "Oh, who cares? He slept with a football under his pillow!" Or, like, "It should have been 'Lank' if you know what I mean, and I think you do!" I mean, a good insult is always an appropriate cover for forgetting someone's name. And on a different note, Francinator's doing the giggle/embarrassment thing, so it's not glaringly obvious that she doesn't actually know the guy's name, so why does Syd all of a sudden look blazingly suspicious of her roommate? It. Makes. No. Sense.
Then, in order to deflect attention from her relatively poor impersonation of Sydney's best friend, Francinator GIVES VAUGHN A PRESENT. Syd's all, uh, you bought my boyfriend a present? Francinator's all, uh, yeah. Why not? "Because it's the weirdest thing of all time?" quips Will. Hee. It's no weirder than you sleeping with your jailbait assistant, but you're so adorable that we'll let it pass. Francinator's all, I just saw something and thought of him. Syd looks at her as if she's turned white, tattooed eyeliner around her eyes and red lipstick onto her lips, and has started calling her baby "Blanket" and referring to herself as "Peter Pan."