Episode Report Card Erin: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Truly, Madly, Deeply
By Erin | Season 2 | Episode 18 | Aired on 03.15.2003
As Jack stands up, Syd shoots a surprised look at her father. There's the slightest hint of a smile on her face, as if she's thinking, "Awww, yeah, Daddy-O! You're mean and cold and you taught me how to assemble a gun in under forty seconds when I was SIX, but you just kicked Kendall's ass! Go Daddy! Go Daddy! It's your birthday!" Jack says that Irina and Sloane likely formed a partnership, and that Irina was tagged with a passive tracking device.
Uh-oh. Marshall's Geek-O-Meter's been triggered. He's all, uh, no, actually, excuse me sir, but, uh, congratulations on the whole head of the task force thing and, like, uh, the tracking device? In your ex-wife's shoulder? It was SO not passive. In fact, it was the opposite of passive. Like, uh, active? And stuff? Jack's all, yes, well, actually, it IS passive, Gomer. I removed the original one in case she was swept for bugs. "Without her knowledge," he says, without a trace of smirkiness, "I injected her with a passive transmitter." Oh. Is that what they're calling it nowadays? Oh, Jack! Inject me with your big, hot, PASSIVE TRANSMITTER!!! YES! YES! YES!
Why, good evening, gutter! How are YOU?
Marshall's totally impressed with Jack's foreskin -- I mean, "foresight"! He's all, wow, that's totally cool. Nice going, big guy. While he twitters away, Sydney just looks down at her pad of paper with the CIA logo on it and tries not to picture her dad "injecting" her mother with ANYTHING. EVER. Then Marshall's all, hey, by the way, how'd you plant it without her knowing? Syd shoots a glance at Jack. Jack looks back at his daughter. Pause. Pin dropping in Dolby Surround Sound. Hee.
Jack just ignores Marshall and goes on to say that the transmitter is programmed to send a signal twelve hours from now, which will give Irina enough time to reach Sloane before going active. That Jack. He thinks of everything. Not only did he predict that Irina would betray him, he also somehow knew just how long it would take for Irina to hook up with Sloane. Maybe Jack could team up with the Pet Psychic and offer up his predictions on how long it'll take for pets to surreptitiously pee in their owners' shoes or eat tampons out of the bathroom garbage.
Tuscany. Land Of Cyprus Trees, Olive Oil, And Pulpy Bernardo Bertolucci Films Featuring Leggy Virgins. Uncle Arvin and Auntie Em are strolling along next to a beautiful swimming pool as Arvy surprises Em with the information that the house is theirs; he closed on it just the other day. Auntie Em's all, the last few months sucked rocks, but this house makes it all worthwhile! Sloane's all, I know! Isn't it awesome? I lurve you the most, muffin. They make out. Aww. Check out the over-forties gettin' their game on.
Shooting Range Of Betrayed Daughters With Trust Issues. Syd's making some dents in a paper target when her boyfriend saunters up and tells her, "Nice grouping." And yes, he says this without a single DROP of sleaziness. I can't believe it either. Syd greets him with a kiss and floats her target up as Vaughn exposits about how his security clearance was downgraded, but Spy Daddy convinced the boys upstairs to keep him field graded. Yawn. So, I guess Desk!Vaughn! really is a thing of the past. Once again proving that it really is all about her, Syd says, "So, then, you heard about my mother." Vaughn's all, uh, yeah, but could we for a second focus on the whole I DIDN'T LOSE MY FUCKING JOB news? Syd's all, yeah, yeah, yeah, enough about YOU. You were totally right to investigate my mother. She's a bitch. I hate her. And she never told me if I could go to prom with you, so you're gonna have to ask my dad and he already hates your guts so I think we can totally kiss the whole prom thing good-bye. Wanna go to Burger King and make out over by the napkin dispenser?