Episode Report Card M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Closers
By M. Giant | Season 4 | Episode 5 | Aired on 01.16.2005
While still hanging around the aftermath of VVH's carbecue, Kiefer gets the call from CTU that they've located the TerrorDome using the thermal scan technique he gave them. So it looks like VVH's noble sacrifice bought his compatriots an extra twelve minutes or so. He got screwed. They tell Kiefer that he's about three miles from the TerrorDome, and where to find it. Kiefer's off to set up a staging area. Driscoll tells him that the Marines are twenty minutes away, and that the trial starts any minute. Kiefer says he'll call when he gets there, and in the meantime he wants the building schematics sent to his Kiefmobile computer. Lispy Skip takes care of it, because Special Agent Breck is on a break or something, I guess.
Wouldn't it be awesome if Air Force One stayed airborne throughout the entire season? I'm reasonably sure it can refuel in midair. ["Refueling from other planes, Air Force One can stay airborne for up to three days, until the engine quits from lack of oil. Don't ask why I know that." -- Sars] For now, though, Keeler's busy taking a meeting with one of his advisors. It's 11:47:26. The dude is all about how DaD's trial and execution will be a humiliation of the country and all sorts of bad in all sorts of ways. Keeler knows all this, which is why he wants everyone to reallyreallyreally hope that the impending rescue attempt succeeds. It's not like they have a choice, after all. But the guy says they do have a choice: bomb the TerrorDome into a TerrorHole. "Kill our own Secretary of Defense?" Keeler asks. The dude says DaD is going to be killed anyway, and better that it be done by order of the President than by terrorists on the internet. Keeler gets up from the table to gaze through the glass divider with the presidential seal etched into it, and to be glad he gets to be President instead of Secretary of Defense. Keeler says DaD is "a good friend" and "a loyal public servant." The dude says that if DaD were here, he'd endorse the plan himself. Which is not entirely wrong, as we've seen from Team DoD's suicide attempt. But then, if DaD were here, they wouldn't have a problem right now. Keeler looks like he's seriously considering it, but says the public will never go for it. The dude says all anyone has to know is that DaD died during a rescue attempt, which is better than having him be "executed with the whole world watching." Won't the public be curious about a "rescue attempt" that leaves a crater? I hope that dude's not from, like, the Washington Post or something. It's 11:49:25.
11:53:50. DoDder gets thrown back into the cell all by her lonesome, presumably after they shut off the gas to the room; the Terror AV Club makes final adjustments; and the TerrorFamily is still busy wrapping up Deaddie in a plastic tarp, winding duct tape around her ankles. This is so time-consuming. I'm telling you guys, an oblong area rug bag is the way to go. There's the sound of a car door slamming outside. TerrorDad scampers to the window and peeps out. "It's a woman. I don't know her." TerrorTeen does, though; it's Deaddie's mom. TerrorDad urgently motions TerrorMom to come answer the door while he orders TerrorTeen to stay out of sight. TerrorDad hides behind the door as TerrorMom opens it. Deaddie's mom introduces herself, and TerrorMom greets her warmly. Deaddie's mom compliments TerrorTeen's manners to TerrorMom before getting down to business: "I'm looking for Deaddie." So I guess they already got the DeaddieMobile out of the TerrorDriveway. It seems Deaddie's mom's worried because the dermatologist's office (snerk) called about a missed appointment that morning. Deaddie's Mom asks if her daughter is at the TerrorHome. TerrorMom looks a little confused behind her smile. TerrorDad pops out from behind the door, wearing his very best "I wasn't just lurking behind the door" smile. Which is bad enough that I hate to think what the rest of his collection of "I wasn't just lurking behind the door" smiles looks like. They try to blow Deaddie's mom off, while we get another look at the cooling corpse right there in the hallway, where it'll be visible if Deaddie's mom takes so much as one step inside the house. Deaddie's mom asks to see TerrorTeen, but the TerrorFolks say he's studying. "School is very important to him," TerrorMom gushes, managing with her sunny smile and really really wide open eyes not to nonverbally add, Too bad your kid was such a dingbat.