Episode Report Card Erin: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Stow it, Sydney
By Erin | Season 4 | Episode 7 | Aired on 02.15.2005
The soldiers turn to Vaughn and he's all, "Uh, yeah. Hi. I'm not the one you should be worrying about, y'all." And that's when Hot Mail-Order Bartender shows up, and of course, it's Syd, wearing a hilarious babushka. She takes down one of the guards with a broom while Vaughn handles the other guard with his fists. And then they fight. I have to say, I really love it when Michael Vartan gets to be all tough and shit. He delivers a body punch that acts as the end cap to this scene and he's all, "WHAM!" without breaking a sweat and…he's pretty.
Scissor Sisters Barbie Penthouse. Syd's returning home from Irkustk, I guess, and she's wearing her super-smart geek girl glasses that I just love. She's paging through her mail when…"Sydney!" calls Sloane from the kitchen counter. "We didn't expect you back so soon!" I laughed out loud at this, actually, because Sloane is such a slimeball that you just KNOW that the second he heard Syd at the door, he wanted to beat Nadia to the punch by throwing out his falsely friendly greeting. Like, Nadia was all, "Hey, Sy--" And Sloane just stomped all over it all, "SYDNEYGLADTOSEEYOU'REHOMEHOW'DITGO? BETCHERMAAAAAADAREN'TYA?" Hee. I love him.
Syd doesn't love him, though, and she clomps down the stairs, clenching her jaw. Sloane surmises that Russia was a success. Syd's all, yeah, it was, which you would know if you went to your damn office and got the hell out of my damn house. Nadia's all, Syd, I'm sorry, he just stopped by…Syd's all, GET OUT. Why's Nadia apologizing? Sloane's her father. He can stop by just like Jack stops by. Hello? JACK KILLED THEIR MOTHER. Yet you don't see Nadia going all bitchtastic on Jack's ass whenever he drops by. Shut up, Sydney. And, while we're at it, SHUT UP SOME MORE.
Sloane leaves his Rambaldi Life Juice behind and, after giving Nadia a kiss on the cheek, walks himself to the door. Syd glares at her sister. I know you're not saying anything here, Sydney, but shut up anyway. Sloane leaves and Nadia's all, dude, seriously, I'm sorry. He wanted to talk. He wants a fresh start. Syd's all, you think that's all he wants? The man is a cobra, Nadia. Nadia's all, hey, Bitchy McWhinesAlot, you work with the guy EVERY DAY. Syd's all, yeah, so I can KEEP AN EYE ON HIM. And…this is where this whole scene derails because, well, Syd's been working with him for six episodes already and we're supposed to believe that she's STILL this violently opposed to the guy? Yeah. Not so much. Now, if this episode had aired in its proper order, it would have been fourth and this anger wouldn't have seemed so misplaced. Are you hearing this, ABC Monkeys? Get your shit together and let the damn writers do their jobs. The original order of episodes was fine and you should have left them that way and WAY TO GIVE NO CREDIT WHATSOEVER TO THE DAMN AUDIENCE, JACKHOLES.
Ahem.