Episode Report Card Pamie: A | 16 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Adultery, Theft, and Lies
By Pamie | Season 2 | Episode 16 | Aired on 2002.04.09
It looks like Rory is packing Lorelai's suitcase. Lorelai gets off the phone and cackles an "evil 'yes'" that her scathingly brilliant idea has come to fruition. She's called the spa and scheduled all of her appointments to start and end in the middle of Emily's appointments, so they'll never have to see or talk to each other the entire time they're there. Lorelai's t-shirt reads: "Yoga Kills." Rory disapproves of Lorelai's schedule-rigging. As do I. Lorelai asks whether Rory's going to throw a big party tonight. Hardly. Rory plans on doing laundry, watching television, ordering Indian food, and going to bed early. Wow. Lorelai says that Rory's supposed to do bad things while Lorelai's out of town. She demands bikers and low-lifes. Rory is packing like Lorelai's going to be gone for a week. Does she know that you hardly wear any clothes the entire time you're at a spa? There's a honking outside, and Rory says that Emily must be there. Lorelai runs to the window, wondering why Emily would be honking. "She hates honking. She calls it 'a mechanical bodily function.'" Lorelai looks outside and moans an "oh, jeez!" Rory looks outside the window and says, "Oh, cool!"
It's Emily in front of a stretch limo beaming, "Hello! Hello! Hello!" Now, if someone showed up at my house with a stretch limo to take me to my free spa weekend, I wouldn't be moaning and complaining. What is wrong with Lorelai? Lorelai asks if they're going to the prom. Emily says she figured they should go all-out with the pampering. I agree. Rory tells Emily that the limo is cool. Emily thanks her. The driver takes Lorelai's suitcase. Rory tells the girls to have a good time. "Bikers and low-lifes," Lorelai reminds her. Rory says she'll get right on that.
Instead: Chilton. A very long shot where we follow the Chem teacher returning lab grades. She's blabbing on and on about a test on Tuesday until we see Paris. She didn't get such a great grade, apparently, and leans over to Fraulein. This starts the "On Friday" bit that goes on terribly long. Paris asks Fraulein what they're doing tonight. "It's Friday night," Fraulein responds. Paris asks if that means they have dates. Fraulein says they do. Paris was hoping they could study with her instead. "On Friday night?" Fraulein asks. "Yeah," Paris says. "But we've got dates," says Fraulein. Louisa asks Fraulein what Paris wants. Fraulein tells Louisa that Paris wants them to study with her. "On a Friday night?" Louisa asks. "Yes," Fraulein says. "But we've got dates," Louisa says. Djb and I start singing, "Hi, Margie!" "Hi, Ursula!" "What's the story? Morning Glory! What's the word? Hummingbird!" Back to Paris, as she asks Fraulein if they'll cancel their dates. "To study?" Fraulein asks. "Yes," Paris says. "On Friday night?" Fraulein asks. "What'd she say?" Louisa asks. Camera pans back over. ("He's in love with Kim! Kim's in love with him!") "She wants us to cancel our dates to study." "On a Friday night?" Repeat, repeat, repeat. Paris goes, "Oh, my God! Forget it!" She walks over to Rory. ("Hello, Rory Gilmore, this is Paris Gellar, can I come over and study, please?") Paris asks if Rory's got big Friday night plans as well. "Well, kind of," Rory completely lies. Paris asks why her entire Harvard career slipping away is of no interest to anyone. Her voice cracks as she tells Rory she got an A- on the Chem lab. She says she's never gotten an A- before. She complains that things are bad at home and that it's hard to focus. Her father figured out how much it'd cost to divorce her mother, so now he's back. She moans that if only she'd fibbed the numbers a bit when she showed him the cost analysis, then none of this would be happening and her 4.0 would be intact. Rory says she can't tonight, but that if Paris is still freaked out after Tuesday's test, she'll spend every day next week helping Paris for the final. It's too late after Tuesday, Rory, and you know it. And there are three days between Friday and Tuesday the last time I checked. Rory tells Paris to relax and promises that everything will be fine. Gonna study! Gonna study! Gonna study! Study for Chem! Gonna study! Gonna study! Gonna study! Study for Chem!