Episode Report Card Pamie: A | 16 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Adultery, Theft, and Lies
By Pamie | Season 2 | Episode 16 | Aired on 2002.04.09
The spa lady has just finished Lorelai's facial in the biggest spa room I've ever seen. Lorelai's wearing a mask, has her hands and feet in paraffin mittens, and leans back to relax to the Enya. Lorelai shouldn't be wearing earrings. It'll mess up the massage. The spa lady leaves her to sit by herself for a few minutes. Lorelai settles back just as Emily creeps into the room and pulls up a stool. She sits beside Lorelai. "Are your feet sweating?" she asks. "Mom?" Lorelai whines. Emily says that the booties made her feet sweat. Lorelai asks why Emily's in her room. Emily complains that Magda left her sitting for twenty minutes to take a coffee break. Lorelai bitches and moans that you're supposed to sit for twenty minutes to let the moisture in the mask soak into your skin. "In your room!" she finishes. Emily pulls out her itinerary to find out what they're doing next. Lorelai just about bursts into tears as she flails her arms about pouting. "Stop moving, Lorelai," Emily says. "You'll electrocute yourself." Lorelai flails back, begging for Calgon to take her away, as Emily chatters on to herself, wondering if an Egyptian Mud Bath is where they wrap you in towels like you're a mummy. "That might be nice," she considers. She says she'll really like it if the towels are as good as the robes. Because she loves her robe. Loves the robe. Emily keeps gabbing about how great the robes are, and I realize this is exactly what it'd be like if my mom and I went to a spa together. Except my mom only talks about eBay and the things she sells on it. ["My mom has no patience for that shit. Plus she doesn't like strangers having access to her parts when she's all nude, apparently." -- Wing Chun] Lorelai is miserable.
Cut to later. Emily is still talking as she and Lorelai walk down a hallway. This time, she's saying she can't believe the mud bath really was a bath of mud, and that it's not a figure of speech. Lorelai pouts silently down the hallway as Emily keeps chatting about how sitting in a pot of hot mud should have made her ill until they reach the door with the Bugs Bunny-esque "Quiet Room" sign posted on it. Lorelai walks inside. Emily follows, talking about the twigs inside the mud bath. Pause: two, three, four. The door opens, and Lorelai pushes Emily out of the room. Emily tells her to stop pushing. Lorelai punches the door and points at the "Quiet Room" sign. Emily rolls her eyes and sighs. Lorelai lets Emily back into the room.