Episode Report Card Wing Chun: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Crossroads
By Wing Chun | Season 2 | Episode 2 | Aired on 10.13.1998
...and we cut to Bride of Flash who is doing something with plants on her back porch as Grams approaches with a (presumably empty) casserole dish and tells her it was very kind of her to send over "that delicious casserole when Mr. Ryan passed" and Gale basically says she's welcome and then wastes no time getting Grams to leave behind the subject of her dead husband and to talk to her about Gale's dead marriage...
...then we cut back to the menfolk as Cole tells the Flash that he has to "avoid the Big D" at all costs and while I wish he meant 'Dawson,' it's probably more likely he's referring to 'divorce' and the Flash says they've tried everything and Cole says that if they got divorced the Flash would "lose everything, not to mention become a weekend daddy to Dawson" which doesn't sound so bad to me and the Flash agrees and speculates that Gale wouldn't mind if he had an affair since it would let her off the hook, and Cole asks "Why not?" and the Flash scoffs at that solution...
...then we cut back to the womenfolk as Grams tells Gale that marriage is all about "enduring the ebbs and flows" and tells her that she must do everything in her power to save it, and Gale agrees in principle but the solutions she actually mentions are "marital aids" and selections from the Victoria's Secret catalogue, like, are you aware of whom you are talking to? And, could anyone on this show please have some sense of occasion and treat Grams with a little respect? Please? So Grams is too polite to tell Gale where to stick her marital aids and clarifies that she was "thinking more along the lines of renewing your wedding vows. I wasn't suggesting that you have an affair, you stupid bitch" (except that I added the "stupid bitch" part)...
...then Cole says he isn't talking about the Flash having an affair, but about an open marriage, and as I, along with AMERICA, recoil in horror, he likens "swinging" to beanbag chairs and lava lamps and Cole makes the hoary old point about human beings' not being instinctively monogamous and as I screamed "WHATEVER!" at the TV I could almost hear Cole continue in the vein that if the notion of infidelity were removed from marriage, the divorce rate would be "zilch" and then as the Flash looks dubious Cole leers, "Works for me and Lisa" and if I were the Flash I would tell Cole that was more information than I cared to hear.
Then we cut to Pacey as he continues to plaster Capeside with his stupid flyers and by now he has moved on to cars, specifically Andie's car, and if Andie has a brand-new car, I don't understand why it is that her brother needs to get a job. But anyway, Andie gets out of the car and starts breaking Pacey's balls about putting unsolicited material on her car and Pacey essentially tells her to get lost, and then I remember that the last place I saw Andie was in a commercial where she confided her chronic tendency to purchase make-up which looked good in the store but which disappointed her upon her arrival home -- a problem which had persisted sufficiently to require that she keep a drawer full of make-up which she couldn't wear. Thankfully, she wished to spare consumers like me from making her mistake, and advised me to purchase my cosmetics at Walgreens, since they would happily accept returns of cosmetics from anyone with buyer's remorse like hers. But I digress. She asks what the occasion is, and he and his really bad dye job tell her it's a going-away party since he's dying of a heart stripe, "or hadn't you heard?" and she chirps "where's your sense of humour?" in an incredibly affected way and then they recap the events of last week and the cheerleader and she finally asks why he would want to go out with someone so dumb as to believe there were such a thing as a heart stripe and then trails off as he gives her the evil eye and then she says she'll be at the party and he asks what makes her think she's invited, and she answers that the flyer says "come one, come all" and then he tells her to read the fine print which says "except spoiled trust fund casualties from Rhode Island" and again I have to ask what the urgency is surrounding Jack's job if they're rich anyway, but whatever, and Andie scowls as Pacey takes off.