Episode Report Card Wing Chun: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Crossroads
By Wing Chun | Season 2 | Episode 2 | Aired on 10.13.1998
So then we're in the bleachers where Jen, apparently having forged a note to get herself out of gym class, has been roped into doing "clean-up duty" and is being duly ribbed for it by none other than Abby Morgan Herself, who is also sitting in the bleachers filing her nails in a red halterish tank top with flower appliques and short denim shorts and platform slides and much shorter hair than last season when she gave her bravura performance in the Breakfast Club rip-off episode.
Jen essentially tells her to shut up and then asks why Abby gets to skip gym and not have to pick up garbage as Jen is and Abby reads a doctor's note which says that Abby should be excused from any undue exertion due to "pelvic circosis" which Jen thinks is a "VD or something" but which, in fact, Abby made up, and I have to wonder why, if this note apparently excuses her from gym all semester, why the guidance office hasn't made her switch to a less physically demanding class, but whatever, and Abby goes on to say that she stole a bunch of her doctor's letterhead the last time she had an appointment and that "it's been invaluable" and then Abby is totally onto Jen and determines that without her saying so that Jen used the "menstrual cramps excuse" which is no good because you "get out of gym but not clean-up duty" and adds, "Not so bright for a big-city girl" which is true (and at which time I notice that Abby's arms seem unusually short, or maybe it's just the weird neckline of her shirt that makes them look short), and for good measure, "then again, your life in New York was probably just as dull as it is here in Capeside. I bet you never even got into a club" (hear hear! Well said!) which causes Jen to rear up on her back hooves and declaim that "The things and places I have talked myself into and out of would blow your mind" and Abby is derisively dubious and starts naming clubs to see if Jen has been there, and Jen smugly replies that she dated the doorman at "the Curtain" and even I, who have never been to New York at all and don't even know shit about clubs in Toronto can give a resounding "AS IF" to that ridiculous claim, and that "Club Retro is so five minutes ago" [at which point Sars would like to add: "Most New York establishments have a firm 'no pets' policy, so Jen couldn't get into a Starbucks on a bet, much less into Manhattan's more exclusive velvet-roped inner sancta, which require not only the last name 'DiCaprio' but also six forms of over-21 ID for entrance."] and Abby is impressed despite herself and fawningly asks what New York was like, and Jen suddenly has lipstick on. Abby says she intends to move to New York when she graduates and starts kissing Jen's ass wanting more information like what "the guys" are like, at which point I start to lose respect for Abby as the Val Malone of Capeside, dammit.