Episode Report Card Sobell: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Tweener's chance for a new life -- dead!
By Sobell | Season 2 | Episode 6 | Aired on 09.24.2006
That's right! It's time to cut to another scene. We're back at Wood's Garden Center ("Reap What You Sow") and Mahone's chatting up the sheriff. He basically recaps the last few episodes for the sheriff, who is all, "Sorry, but I tune in for How I Met Your Mother." He finishes with, "Mr. Mahone, I bet you my lunch money there's nothing amiss around here." I hope the sheriff can eat his crow for free, because Mahone's just spotted that damn baseball bat on the floor, noticed a few tiny flecks of blood, and concluded that he should break into the place and check it out. As the sheriff protests, "Mr. Mahone," Mahone makes the zip-it gesture so we can all shut up and listen to the two bound-and-gagged hillbillies mmmmphing for help. The minute Mahone rips the gag off Mulletman, he grunts, "They're here! Those escaped convicts! They're here in town." Mahone's eyes bug out with his intensity, and we go to commercials before we even get to see if he holds the sheriff to his lunch-money bet.
Commercials. Ads with cats stuck in trees are only funny if you've never actually had to extract one of the ungrateful beasts from its arboreal prison.
Back in the Badger state, we get a cops-eye view of the living room. They're entering it cautiously, and they see that the blind lady's laid out on the couch. However, her chest is rising and falling. The guys enter cautiously. We get a shot of the blind lady's face -- it looks like she has some sort of contusion on one side, so many Haywire knocked her out? She calls out, "Who's there?" The cop answers, "The police, ma'am." I love how his little arm tattoo "M" is all visibly showing -- it makes him look like he's one of those male strippers who dresses up like a cop. Anyway, the stripper-cop asks what happened and the blind lady answers dazedly, "There was this strange man. I made him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I thought he was Billy." It must be so tiring to be a cop and hear this sort of disjointed narrative all the time. The guy goes to roll his eyes and happens to notice that Haywire cut the picture of Holland out of its frame, then jammed the knife in the frame.
Back in Tooele, T-Bag is busy regaling Jeannette with tales of the filthy, filthy things he used to do with his ex: "And after the kids had gone to sleep, we'd take a bath, a looooooooong bath. And afterwards, I'd just sit there and watch her... do her routine. She'd rub her lotion on, comb her hair, dress up in her night-time fineries." (Nota bene: This is the point in the episode where my friend Erin walked into the room and asked, "What the hell is that woman doing? Is she actually writhing?" Why, yes, Yes, she is. EWWWWW.) The two of them are busy flirting with each other and it's all very creepy. Jeanette eventually asks, "Why did it end with that lady you were talking about?" Whoopsie! Flirty time is over. T-Bag grabs his lemonade and takes a swig before answering, "We just went our separate ways." He neglects to add, "Because she saw me on America's Most Wanted, then turned me in." Jeanette wants to get the vibe back so she and her breasts ask T-Bag, "Do you know what the best cure for a broken heart is?" T-Bag sucks in his breath, licks his lips, then purrs, "Do tell." Jeanette says, "Get back on the bike. Whatever bike it is." T-Bag gets a thoughtful look like, Would that be the raping-and-killing-little-kids bike? Or just the general killing-people bike? Because lady, I've been riding that one all season.