Episode Report Card Sobell: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Tweener's chance for a new life -- dead!
By Sobell | Season 2 | Episode 6 | Aired on 09.24.2006
Out in the garage, the boys are not busy licking each other's hands and talking about perfume-triggered flashbacks. They are digging, and it's all very manly with the sweating and the grunting. Michael asks Sucre if he talked to Maricruz, and Sucre snarls, "I don't want to talk about it." He is so totally channeling Anakin Skywalker. Just say no to Darth C-Note, Sucre! As Tweener heads outside for some water, Michael takes the chance to sidle up to Sucre again and remind him, "Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. And hate leads to suffering." Oh, he does not. Instead, he sparks a fan frenzy of speculation by telling Sucre, "If, down the road, you're in trouble and need help with anything, europeangoldfinch.net. It's what we can all use to communicate. Post a note on the message board." Sucre asks what it's called, and Michael repeats the URL. An eavesdropping C-Note asks, "That's a bird, right?" Meanwhile, the one convict who has not been sitting around jawjacking about websites -- Linc -- has actually struck the base of the silo. The guys fall to digging and quickly unearth the silo's foundation. "Hells, yeah!" Tweener says. Michael whispers, "Thank you, Charles." Awww! Now all they have to do is dig under that. You know, speaking as someone who recently dug under a lot of concrete, that sounds like a giant paint in the ass. Then again, I didn't have a crew of beefy escaped cons doing the digging for me.
Michael's in a good mood, saying, "We'll get the money, hit the back roads --" but Tweener quickly takes care of that by saying, "We gots to stop in Tooele first and gas up the ride." You see, he didn't gas up the car following his little adventure in head-banging at the hardware store because he was too rattled from the experience. Michael commands, "I want you to go back into town. I want you to gas up that car. And I want you to pick up a dozen White Castle sliders while you're at it. And I want you to find me a pony." Or something along those lines. Tweener whines, "Why do I gots to do it?" Because if you don't, the meaty paw Lincoln has just wrapped around your trachea will squeeze shut? Tweener heads out. Michael heads into the house to check on T-Bag and Jeanette. They're dancing in the kitchen and laughing away, so it appears they're doing okay.
Back in Wisconsin, Haywire's taken advantage of his surroundings and gotten a shower and some clean, non-crazy-person clothing. In another nice Frankenstein touch, his pants are far too short. The blind lady says, "Billy? Billy!" Haywire replies, "Yeah?" The woman says, "I made you a sandwich. Peanut butter and jelly with the crusts cut off, just like you like." Haywire promptly crams the sandwich into his mouth. The blind lady continues chattering: "I'm so glad you came back. I don't want to say, 'I told you so,' but that was just not the girl for you." Haywire looks up with an expression last seen on Peter Boyle in Young Frankenstein. He's fascinated by a pedestrian little oil painting of a windmill next to a lake and a blooming tree. Haywire asks, "Where is that?" The lady replies, "It's Holland, where I grew up. You know that." Haywire is positively riveted. Through a mouthful of peanut butter and jelly with the crusts cut off, he says fervently, "It's beautiful." The lady enumerates the charms of the Netherlands: "It's so peaceful, so protected from this crazy world." Speaking of being unprotected from the crazy -- she's just grabbed Haywire's hand and immediately figured out he isn't Billy. As Haywire heads into the kitchen, the lady grabs the phone she just happens to have nearby and whispers, "Operator, there's an intruder in my house!" Haywire hears this and turns around. He's got a knife in his hand, and we hear very ominous music, so that can only mean one thing...