Episode Report Card Sobell: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Tweener's chance for a new life -- dead!
By Sobell | Season 2 | Episode 6 | Aired on 09.24.2006
Cut to the blonde coming to the door. A blue-shirted Michael turns around and drawls, "Sorry to bother you, ma'am. Is your electricity out?"
Mahone has wandered into the gas station garage where Harold Jenkins works. He asks for Jenkins and introduces himself. In tones of outraged innocence, Jenkins immediately protests, "I'm staying 50 feet away from her at all times. What the hell else does she want?" Mahone is all, "Oh, I have no interest in your sordid little domestic dramas. Tell me about D.B. Cooper." Jenkins cannot believe anyone is still interested in that. Mahone says, "There were some discrepancies in the statement you filed 20 years ago. In the report, it's noted that you said he filled up at 7 AM. But on another occasion, you said he filled up at 7 PM. Which was it?" Jenkins shrugs that it was both. Mahone can barely believe this: "He gassed up twice? Full tanks, both times?"
Cut to Michael, skillfully BSing the blonde. It is so cute listening to him try to assume a folksy accent and failing. After the blonde puts up some nominal resistance via some skeptical eyebrow-arching and a few questions, she eagerly invites Michael and company inside. It's all over the moment Michael fixes his baby-blues on her and says, "We're ready to turn your juice back on." The blonde flutters her well-manicured talons and coos, "My juice?" Radiating sincerity and looking like a Cub Scout wearing his dad's overalls to Career Day, Michael replies, "That's right."
Meanwhile, Mahone is still blithely ignoring the crazed killer on the loose in the Badger State so he can babble about D.B. Cooper's car. He excitedly tells Wheeler that D.B. Cooper is Westmoreland, and Westmoreland had a 1965 Chevy Nova with a 16-gallon gas tank. Mahone casually notes, "Back then, a Chevy that size got approximately eight miles per gallon." Yes, and people smoked like chimneys and thought it was funny to make jokes about how "sexual harassment" meant you weren't getting any at the office, and thought high-fructose corn syrup was a dandy sugar substitute. It was a dark time. Then Mahone carries on about what sort of strange behavior would cause someone to fill up twice in the same day, does a little math, and concludes that Westmoreland was burying the money some 64 miles away from the gas station. Guess what's within that 64 mile radius? Tooele, Utah.
Michael is now telling the extremely attentive blonde that the defective cable runs right beneath her garage, so he'll be digging up the floor to get to it. The blonde astutely asks, "Who's going to pay for this? What about the clean-up and the repair?" Good for her! I wouldn't let anyone go ahead until I saw paperwork, but I say that from the lofty vantage point of a woman who had to deal with no fewer than four different sets of clean-up crews and insurance appraisers after my house flooded last winter. As Michael assures her the company will cover all costs, T-Bag sits on a work bench and twiddles a screwdriver like he's figuring out the optimum point of entry. It's wrong to be amused by that, but I am. Anyway, Michael's trying to wrap things up, but to his pique, it's T-Bag who seals the deal by coming over and drawling in the blonde's ear, "We better get started, ma'am. Wouldn't want a pretty little thing sitting in the dark tonight now, would we?" The blonde purrs, "That depends on who I'm sitting with." Did the writers watch a lot of pornography before writing this episode? Because otherwise, there's no excuse for this type of dialogue. Michael tries to get the blonde out of the house, warning about the noise, but she eyes Linc's vast and gleaming half-naked chest, then assures them all, "It's too hot for that now." The minute she's gone, the boys set to work. Tweener comes in and announces, "Yo, we gots company." Why can't the English teach their morons how to speak? Anyway, the company in question? C-note and Sucre. The non-delight on C-Note's and Michael's faces is completely mutual.