Episode Report Card Owen: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Heartbreak City
By Owen | Season 2 | Episode 10 | Aired on 01.19.2000
Halliwell Manor. The hard Ps strut into the parlor, still bashing their menfolk. They collapse on top of each other in the far corner of the sofa. Piper and Prue decide that they "hate their men." Prue falls back into Piper's arms, calling Jack "scum." Piper embraces Prue and adds that Dan's "scum, too." Shannen seemingly ad-libs to Holly Marie the query, "Are you scum?" Holly Marie assures Shannen that she's not, and they giggle. Aw. That was a very charming and funny moment. Can the actresses throw out the scripts and improvise the whole show?
Office building. Cupid and Phoebe stalk XX. With Cupid's coaching, Phoebe convinces her to give XY a second chance, because "the pain of love lost deepens if you don't deal with it. Fear and love can't live in the same house." With the fervor of the recently converted, Phoebe gives her testimony; she once had "a closed heart" too. The "fear of loss kept [her] paralyzed." She realizes now she has to "take the risk and love again." Phoebe adds, "That's why it's called Lover's Leap!" and Cupid blanches because that's an inappropriate "suicide reference" and she's a moron. Phoebe glosses over this and continues to dispense the same tired love advice Isaac used to serve along with grasshoppers and Singapore slings poolside on The Love Boat. XX (natch) buys what they're peddling. Cupid and Phoebe walk off arm and arm to continue on their mission to mend the lovelorn.
Hospital. XX brings flowers to XY. Drowsy out on the sidewalk does a Fred Sanford impression. He wails and declares his intention to find and kill Cupid.
Why would the killer in Scream 3 need a butcher knife when it looks like all of the actresses are about to drop due to malnutrition anyway?
Halliwell Manor. The doorbell rings. Piper (natch) gets it. It's Dan and Jack. Someone paged them to come to the manor. Piper: "That's really pathetic, paging yourself." Dan: "Pathetic?" Piper: "I'm sorry, I meant moronic." Forget Dan! I love you, Piper! Prue walks downstairs, and asks everyone what's going on. Phoebe and Cupid join the couples in the foyer, and Phoebe answers, "Hate." She confesses that she paged the guys, and orders, "Everyone on the couch -- now."
Cut to Drowsy staggering down the street. Darryl Van Horn calls -- he wants his shtick back.
Instead of ripping Phoebe limb from limb, the couples have followed her order to sit on the couch. Phoebe wails that they're "all acting like [they're] under some kind of spell." The hard Ps exclaim, "Phoebe!" Phoebe tells them to "stop thinking and just feel." Elsewhere in California, Dr. Laura Schlessinger feels a chill run down her spine. Phoebe continues that everyone needs to "get past the ugly things they all said." Cupid reminds Prue that when she first saw Jack, she "hated" him. Since this is TV Cliché Land, where hatred equals passion (tm Ace), this means that "opposites attract." Prue and Jack get back together.