Episode Report Card Owen: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Heartbreak City
By Owen | Season 2 | Episode 10 | Aired on 01.19.2000
Halliwell Manor. Phoebe's throwing stuff into a mixing bowl in the kitchen to create Cupid's "travel" potion as he looks on. She bitches about being stuck there with him, adding that she doesn't blame Drowsy for finding Cupid to be "a complete and total [sic] pain in the ass." Cupid expositions about Drowsy the demon falling in love with a mortal woman and how Cupid had to step in to redirect the woman's love toward a mortal man. Thus Drowsy blames Cupid for his "broken heart," quite justifiably in my opinion. As Phoebe listens she starts grinding the potion up in the bowl very violently, with her hand pumping up and down. This cues Cupid to reiterate his "take a risk on love" spiel, reasoning that if a demon could "open his heart," Phoebe can do the same. Phoebe yells at him some more that her heart is not closed. Cupid disagrees some more. Phoebe decides not to argue with him. Cupid approaches Phoebe from behind and puts his arms around her to show her how to stir the potion "correctly" and this scene gets incredibly creepier. Phoebe leans back onto Cupid as he explains that the potion has an "aphrodisiac kicker" made up of "lavender, oysters, rosemary, chocolate and charis root" with the secret ingredient of "desire." Actually the secret ingredient must be amyl nitrate, because a big whiff of the stuff has Phoebe falling into Cupid's embrace, blathering that "home is where the heart is" and "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Have we missed any love clichés yet? Phoebe finally confesses that yes, her heart is closed -- because she fears (shudder!) abandonment. Phew, I didn't see that coming. I only thought Cupid was drugging her just to grope her up. Still do. Phoebe is suddenly upset that Cupid will be "leaving" her, too. Cupid begs off any emotional attachment from his sexual harassee by explaining that he's only the "potential for true love." Ew. Let's leave that potential unfulfilled, shall we? He blathers some more about "letting love in." Then he adds another chorus of "open your heart." Geez, Cupid, just slip into Madonna's nipple-tasseled bustier and sing the whole song already. Phoebe's won over.
P3AD. Piper, Dan, Prue, and Jack sit at a table with beers in front of them. Jack quite crassly brags about how he has "an in" with "one of the owners of the hottest club in town!" Dan concurs with Jack's appraisal of the Halliwells and P3. Whatever! Prue calls for a bathroom break, and takes Piper with her. Although it was just established yet again that THEY OWN THE CLUB, they wait in line in the hallway like all the other women club patrons. Actually, not like all of them -- Piper and Prue are holding hands and clutching onto each other like a couple waiting for a Port-o-Potty at the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival. Not only that, but Prue immediately asks Piper if she's "mad" about the necklace Dan gave her and reminds Piper that it was Prue who "let Dan buy it" for her. What the? Has Drowsy caused Prue to romance Piper? Gay subtext continues as Prue blathers about "how strange it is" that the sisters "have two guys waiting for" them. Piper agrees, especially since the Halliwell sisters have "their little secret." Prue assures Piper that Jack and Dan have "secrets" of their own. She adds that the Halliwells will never truly have "normal lives" but they have to "try sometimes." Prue suddenly hugs Piper fiercely and declares, "I just want you loved!" The bathroom becomes vacant and Piper and Prue rush into the room to be alone together.