Episode Report Card Owen: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Heartbreak City
By Owen | Season 2 | Episode 10 | Aired on 01.19.2000
Cut to Drowsy staggering in front of Halliwell Manor, clutching his chest in pain some more.
Phoebe works on Piper and Dan. She tells Piper that she sees "light and warmth and hope" whenever Piper talks to him, like they're the last salvation of the human race or something. She tells Dan that he needs to trust his own feelings about Piper, and not what a stranger might whisper in his ear. Dan turns to Piper and asks her about the secret she's keeping -- does it concern Leo? Piper LIES and says, "No. It has to do with you and me and what I'd like us to become." Huh? Whatever, Dan and Piper get back together. Cupid tells Phoebe that their plan is working because he senses Drowsy approaching. Pheebs tells Jack and Dan to go run to the "corner market" and pick up "the food of love" for their girlfriends, whatever that might be. Jack and Dan follow Phoebe's order for some reason. Prue asks Phoebe what the hell's going on. Phoebe tells the hard Ps that Drowsy's still alive, and since the sisters are "open to love again," he's in a world of pain.
Drowsy suddenly appears in the parlor entrance behind Cupid. He reaches into Cupid's chest and twists his heart around again. Piper freezes the struggling pair. The Halliwells wonder what to do. Phoebe suggests that they throw the vanquishing potion on Drowsy again, but take away Cupid's ring first and give it back to him for protection. Piper wonders how Phoebe can be sure it'll work. Phoebe provides the Lesson of the Day that at this point in the show has become the Lesson of Several Long Lifetimes: "Love is a risk. If he's taught me anything, he's taught me that." Word. That's ALL he's been blathering about for whole running time of the show, imbecile. Phoebe tosses the potion onto Drowsy. He becomes a puddle of black goo that quickly and conveniently evaporates from the parlor rug and floorboards. The Ps ask Cupid if he's okay. He says he "never felt better." He celebrates by laying a big sloppy kiss on Phoebe before departing, then self-importantly urging her, "Don't mourn me. But remember me, celebrate me, and seek me out." Ew, whatever, creepy loser. Just leave already. He disappears in a pink light. Phoebe touches her lips and beams. You've been played, suckah.
Revival house movie theater. The marquee shows us that The Dirty Dozen is playing. Jack and Prue and Dan and Piper emerge out onto the street. Jack blathers "guy flick" talk. Phoebe is walking behind them alone. Suddenly her date runs up to her and apologizes about lingering inside to "get the parking validated." Then he also apologizes for canceling their date the other night. Phoebe, non-ironically, spouts that kitsch classic line, "Love means never having to say you're sorry." Kevin, her escort, is understandably taken aback with this pronouncement on their very first date. Phoebe explains that she's quoting from Love Story. Hey, wait, didn't she sleep through that flick? Kevin effusively declares that he "loves that movie!" Phoebe LIES and assures him that she "does, too -- now." Way to go, Rules Girl. They grin at each other. I bet that's the last we see of Kevin, despite Phoebe's countless hours of "open heart urgery." End.