Episode Report Card Owen: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Heartbreak City
By Owen | Season 2 | Episode 10 | Aired on 01.19.2000
Credits. Morrissey and Johnny Marr receive royalty checks. I receive a headache this big.
The Freddie Prinze vehicle, Down to You, coming down to a video store bargain rental shelf near you.
Halliwell Manor. The next morning. In lieu of the usual establishing shots, we see Phoebe waking up in her pink tank top and pj bottoms with her newly crimped hair in a ponytail. She walks around into Prue and Piper's bedrooms and sees the beds made up. Her few lonely synapses fire and she figures out they didn't come home the night before. The phone rings. Phoebe lopes downstairs, and yells, "I'll get it!" to no one in particular, because she's a moron. It's Prue, still in her Indian braid extensions, calling from a nasty rust-colored leather couch in Jack's apartment. Pheebs gives her grief about the caffeine "keeping someone 'up' all night." Prue swears that all she and Jack did was talk until morning. (Sure, but who listened?) Phoebe explains that Piper's still over at Dan's, and adds, "Hey, if only I'd bagged Mr. Creepy we could have scored a Halliwell hat trick last night." My world suddenly goes black, and I awaken a few moments later wondering if I can borrow that hat from Phoebe because her comment caused every hair on my head to turn completely white. Phoebe blathers to Prue that she's not angry, but very happy that the hard Ps have found love. Just then Mr. Creepy appears behind Phoebe, startling her by noting that the lock on the front door wasn't working. She gives him a Karate Kid one-legged bird kick, causing him to fall down on the stairs. Prue hears the ruckus, hangs up the phone, and prepares to book home.
Phoebe asks the fat guy who he is. He says that he needs her help. And his name is "Cupid." I'd like to note that this role should have called for the casting of a poor man's Jeremy Piven, which in current Hollywood casting parlance would mean "Jeremy Piven," but the guy is played by a really unattractive man named Michael Reilly Burke who reminds me of the grown-up Mike Lookinland when he resumed the role of Bobby Brady in A Very Brady Christmas and the ill-conceived drama series The Bradys and basically creeped America out, as most grown-up child actors are wont to do. But I digress. Phoebe gapes at Cupid.
Gordon Manor. Piper wakes up in Dan's bed, looking quite fetching for first thing in the morning, due in no small part to those unflattering bangs finally growing out. Dan enters, carrying a tray with a real breakfast on it (not just product-placement cereal), a rose in a vase, and a jewelry box. Dan tells her not to freak out -- it's not a ring or anything. Piper opens it to find a heart-shaped diamond pendant. Dan blathers about how she can take it back if she doesn't like it, but I guess she does because she starts macking with him in an attempt to go for the matching earrings. Just then, Phoebe strolls into the bedroom like she owns the place. I guess this is payback for all times Jenny "Say Quoi?" Gordon burst into Halliwell Manor unannounced, but it's still pretty rude. Pheebs waves to Piper behind Dan's back. Piper freezes Dan and asks her sister what's the big. Phobe says they "have a big problem" and the fat guy playing Cupid walks in the room. Cupid expositions about his ring being stolen yada yada a demon breaking up couples wah wah trying to kill him blah blah. Piper gapes. Phoebe backs up Cupid's story, since Drowsy is mentioned in the Book of Shadows. Piper sighs. She shoos Phoebe and Cupid out of the room and unfreezes Dan. He's horny and upset, but she tells him she needs to book home and that she'll wear his necklace on their date that night.
The coffeehouse. XX and XY are together having "coffee or something." Drowsy is stalking them. He appears in the full-length mirror, with the stolen ring glowing green. He attempts to appear menacing by growling "Hello, young lovers."