Episode Report Card Erin: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Missing? I'll tell you what's missing.
By Erin | Season 3 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.18.2003
Sevilla. It exists. Really, it does. Of course, I don't think it exists in the way that the production designer THINKS it does because, dudes? Do all bars in Sevilla have flamenco dancers and dueling flamenco guitars? Do all the women wear red and black and have red flowers in their hair? Do all the men wear black and have greasy black hair and know how to dance? Where are the spring break students in backwards baseball caps and belly tees? Where's that kid named Kent who scraped up enough cash to get a blow job from the hooker in the doorway, but then chickened out, drank a bottle of tequila with the worm in it, and can be heard vomiting loudly somewhere nearby?
Oh, whatever. Syd walks into the Chi-Chi's on Route 60 and looks all sorts of smoldering hotness in her black vest, black leather pants, black leather wristbands, and flowing Elektra hair. She literally saunters through the place and tries to get upstairs to a private area. Some dude up in the private area is watching her on a monitor as she tries to talk her way past some guard. Outside in the bar, Vaughn and Weiss are listening in and Vaughn's all, dude, I'm losing her. Weiss is all, dude? Fuck off. I'm aiming the mic right at her. Vaughn's all, I should have worn the ring. Weiss is all, oh, get over yourself. Nobody aims a mic like me. Hee.
The guard threatens Syd with a gun and Syd goes to walk away, but the guard suddenly gets a message from above and calls her back. Simon wants to speak with her. Syd goes upstairs. Simon walks toward her. Oh, Justin. You're even hot with that lame-ass Alan Cummings pompadour. Syd says hello, and Simon just walks over to her and lays a really good hot and wet one on her. Oof. I mean, OOF. Syd goes with it because, really, if Justin Theroux walked up and started macking on you, would YOU put a stop to it? Simon pulls back and goes, "Good to see you, Julia. "Good to see you too," says Syd with only the slightest hint of surprise on her face. Uh-oh.
And now is the time on Alias when we dance. Touch my monkey.
Commercials. Why is According to Jim still on the air? Can anyone tell me that? Monkey? Bueller? Monkey?
Vaughn and Weiss are scrambling to figure out just who in the hell "Julia" is and why Simon Walker seems to think that Sydney's her. Weiss is all, huh, this might have something to do with those missing two years of hers (drink, everyone) when she was supposed to be with the Covenant. Vaughn's all, wait a minute here. She was OPERATIONAL? When I WASN'T AROUND? To paraphrase one of the posters, what in the hell did you think she was doing, Vaughn? Getting a smoothie and hanging out with her girlfriends at the Galleria?