Episode Report Card Erin: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT "André"? Seriously? That's the best you could do?
By Erin | Season 5 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.28.2005
Pain Brigade. Vaughn has a pencil and a piece of paper, so he's ready to start working on the code. He requests that someone set his dislocated shoulder so that he can start writing. DMG walks over and sets it, thereby giving Vaughn the opportunity to kick his ass. Oh, and the henchman's ass too. Damn, I love it when Vaughn gets to be a bad-ass. The henchman spills that Sydney got away and Vaughn leaves the room via a panel in the ceiling. He easily escapes and finds the nearest pay phone and calls Syd. She takes the phone into the bathroom and speaks to Vaughn in hushed tones. He tells her that he needs his father's watch, the one that he gave her so long ago. That…didn't she give it back to him? And why wasn't he wearing it? Didn't it play a part in Season Three with the Blonde Whose Name We Do Not Speak? I…never mind. I'm sending out for more vodka.
Vaughn tells Syd to deliver the watch to a dead drop they're both familiar with. Syd's not sure and says she needs to think about it. She leaves the bathroom and Gordo and Jack are standing right outside, which is really rather creepy, actually. Like, "Hi! What're you doin'? How'd everything go in there?" Ew. Gordo demands to know where Vaughn is and Syd badly lies that she has no idea what he's talking about. Jack tries to convince her to spill the goods. "He's in Mexico City," she grits. The boys head off to find Vaughn.
At the same time, Vaughn's in some random locker room. He unlocks a locker and opens it. The watch isn't there. The Langley boys make tracks to some storage facility in Mexico City and start setting off timed bombs in order to gain access. BOOM! Vaughn turns his head, to make us think the explosion came from outside where he is, but it totally didn't. The Langley boys run inside and...Syd enters the building where Vaughn actually is and holds up the watch. "Looking for this?" she asks smartly. Back in the blown storage facility, the Langley boys look around like their cheese has been left out in the wind, which it most certainly has. "I want the truth," says Syd. "Start with your name." "André Michaux," he says. "I'll tell you the rest on the way." We get a final shot of Gordo, looking terribly pissed off; then we get a shot of Syd and Vaughn walking down a busy street, holding hands. There's a shot of a dome in the background, but I have no idea where in the hell they're supposed to be, nor do I care. I think it's because I've switched from vodka to fermented Amazonian rubber tree sap. Mmmm. Tasty.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard the Exposition Train. Your destination today is Cracked-Out Plot Development City in the lovely state of Who Writes This Shit Anyway And Could They Maybe Get Their Hands On A Copy of At Least ONE Of The Previous Season's DVDs. There will be continuous beverage service and at least one stop in Who Are They Kidding With This Crapville. Hang on tight, it's going to be a bumpy ride. Vomit bags, of course, will be supplied free of charge.