Episode Report Card Erin: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT "André"? Seriously? That's the best you could do?
By Erin | Season 5 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.28.2005
Vaughn opens up the package; it's a tape recorder playing "La Cucaracha." Hee. "Catchy but dated," snits Vaughn. Heh. DMG opens up the battery area, pulls out a battery, unscrews the coppertop, and lo and behold, there's some sort of hidden message inside. Vaughn unrolls it and it's a bunch of numbers. "We know what this is about," snaps DMG. "We know who sent it. What we don't know is where is Leeman?" He actually says "Layman," but considering that everyone else in the episode seems to be saying "Leeman," I'm going to go with that, seeing as my living room TV is busted and this piece of crap Panasonic doesn't have closed captioning. But I'm not bitter.
Vaughn's all, who? DMG's all, maybe some ass-kicking will jog your memory. Vaughn just sighs resignedly and waits for one of the henchman to beat him up. It's actually really funny because Michael Vartan does this kind of shrug and a big huge sigh as if to say, "Yeah, right, go ahead and kick my ass. I'm leaving the show and I don't care and I don't have to do this shit anymore until, of course, I get cast as the next James Bond. What? It could happen." Back at the Apple Store, Weiss is working the phones, trying to find out where his non-gay platonic boyfriend went. Sydney walks over and starts asking Weiss why Vaughn was assigned to be her handler that day she walked into the CIA. Weiss said Vaughn asked to be her handler but he doesn't think that fact makes Vaughn disloyal. Syd agrees.
Back with the Pain Brigade, Vaughn's facedown on the table as DMG keeps asking him questions. "Just tell us what we want to know," says DMG in a bored voice. "I'm tired of playing these games." "Quitter," Vaughn twits him. Hee. I like my Vaughn sassy. DMG wisely ascertains that Vaughn's not going to spill, so he moves the focus to Sydney, whom he pretends is down the hallway. He tells the henchman to go grab her finger, the one with the pretty ring on it. Vaughn suddenly snaps to and offers to decipher the message.
Apple Store. Gordo's standing over Marshall (Hi, Marshall!) as he appears to be rifling through Vaughn's file history on his computer. "Can you speed it up, Mr. Blinkman?" asks Gordo. Heh. Marshall's all, dude. It's FLINKMAN. With an F. And don't make me hack into the CIA database and turn you into a transvestite, man. Because I will TOTALLY do it. There's some back and forth between them, stern and annoyed on Gordo's part, geeky and loyal to Vaughn on Marshall's, and then the scene ends and we head back over to Syd, who's feeling tired all of a sudden and kind of craves chocolate-covered pickles…
Syd's scoping the database for a match to that incredible likeness she scratched out on her sketchpad between the Willow and 7th Street stops. Dix comes over to chat. Syd wonders aloud if she was wrong about Vaughn. Dix brings up that night on the pier so long ago when Syd begged Dixon to believe that she was a good guy. "If I had to do it over again," he says, "I'd give you the benefit of the doubt." Aw. That's because you're a nice guy, Dixon. And because they had nothing else for you to do in this episode, so you're basically done now, dude. Pick up your check at the front desk and say hi to the kids!