Episode Report Card Erin: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT "André"? Seriously? That's the best you could do?
By Erin | Season 5 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.28.2005
Syd wises up quickly and before the EMT can stick her, she slams his hand down so that he administers the dosage to his right thigh instead of her right arm. Jennifer Garner and the Cardigan of Baby Concealage run off in an attempt at escape, but she kind of dumbly runs right into the fake ambulance and the fake EMTs all start shooting at her, like, way to keep her ALIVE, dudes. Syd runs off to the Cornfield of Convenience with fake EMTs chasing after her. Chase, chase, chase, shoot, shoot, shoot, violins, violins, violins. Yes, it's just about that interesting. Syd disturbs what looks like a flock of white doves, even though it really should be crows, which, did a band of one-armed kindergarteners write this episode or what, and whatever, this tips off the fake EMTers and they run after her and somehow she makes it to the edge of the cornfield undetected and she sneaks up on a couple of them and takes 'em out with a few shots. Nice. I can see we're not going with the "Sydney doesn't shoot people, they fall on their guns" mode of storytelling this season. Thank God.
So, Syd gets to the edge of the Cornfield of Convenience and sees her honey being carted onto a genuine Black Helicopter of the Men in Black variety. She gets a good look at the pilot, who happens to be David Marshall Grant from one of the best shows-you-love-to-hate, thirtysomething. He flies off with Vaughn in the back, and Syd wanders into the Cornfield of Convenience to see if there's a baseball diamond and a few old ghostly players to play some ball with.
St. Holy Mother of Lost Causes Hospital. Syd's being attended to by what looks like a military doctor. She's fine. Shocker. He leaves, and Syd puts her engagement ring back on. Some shadowy federal-government-looking dude enters and introduces himself as "Gordon Dean" from the Office of Special Investigations. He starts asking Syd a bunch of questions that aren't really important, seeing as they essentially establish that Syd and Vaughn were going to Santa Barbara, they got hit halfway through, and no, Vaughn didn't seem anxious or upset about anything before the trip. Syd's decidedly pissy with Gordo. Gordo bitches at her that marital privilege doesn't trump matters of national security. Syd's all, uh, yeah-huh. Whatever. Can I start drinking now? Gordo's all, not yet. First I have to insult the integrity of your fiancé and say that he may or may not have been abducted. Syd's all, please, whatever, he's hot and he's not a criminal. NOW GET ME A MARGARITA.