Episode Report Card Gustave: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT This ain't no safe house
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 16 | Aired on 03.18.2002
The time is 3:15:49 PM. Klockwise from the top left, Spawn makes another bad judgment call…literally, Shirtless Rick enters his bedroom to get the phone through some Greg Brady beaded curtains, and Bride answers more kwestions. Well, as long as Rick's alive, he might as well show us some more skin. And this week it's not just a brief glance at his pecs; it's full torso. He picks through some dirty laundry in search of his cordless phone and finally answers. SheWhoShallNotTakeAHintAlready chirpily kongratulates herself on kovering for Rick, but Rick isn't too happy that Spawn is even discussing Rick around Nina. Spawn once again tries to konvince Rick to turn himself in so she doesn't have to keep lying. Rick vetoes that idea and tells her not to kall him for a while. Straggly-Haired Girlfriend of Rick, who is wearing a one-shoulder fatigue halter top, enters, and Rick hangs up. She wants to have sex. Rick just wants to "krash." Girlfriend of Rick exits.
Back at the Safe House, Nina continues to kwestion Bride, who is starting to space out and make senseless answers. Nina suggests that Bride needs another break. Bride wants to go on. Nina insists. "Just do your job," says Bride. "Don't you have a job to do?" "I wish it were that simple," says Nina. "Things tend to get komplicated when you screw your boss," says Bride bitterly. Ree-ow! Actually, things get way more komplicated when you are screwing everyone you work with, but that's a whole other story. Nina is all, "This obviously isn't working." Bride apologizes. "I thought I could stay calm and rational about this but I can't do it," says Bride. Nina decides to go back to CTU and let HandsomeBlackAgent finish kwestioning Bride. Bride's lipstick matches her blouse for some reason.
Back in the KieferKube, Kiefer changes clothes, but obviously he ate carbs before the shoot or something because we're only coming in once he has his shirt fully on. Xander Berkeley enters. "I'm the new quarterback," he announces. Apparently, Alberta Vo5 and Chappelle are both gone and we didn't even get to say goodbye. I'll bet anything that Chappelle's lines were originally supposed to be said by Xander, but Xander wasn't available for a couple of episodes, so they invented Chappelle to take up the slack. Kiefer puts on his shoes and explains how the Drazens are behind the whole Palmer hit and how Kiefer is also a target and how they lost HBWG before he could track down any additional information. But there's more. Kiefer tells Xander about Faux-licity and how she's coming by to answer some kwestions about TakeOnKief. "She's been dating him," says Kiefer. Xander's eyes widen at the thought of anyone dating. "That'll give us time to stage an arrest," says Xander. Kiefer wants more, though. He suggests that they let Faux-licity keep her date with TOK and plant a homing device on him. "We'd have the upper hand for the first time in a long time," says Kiefer. Unfortunately, Xander thinks it's too risky.